funny jokes for a rainy monday...

The Convention Speaker

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it's the men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you, I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Butt Measurements

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over
at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet
your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a
measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was
working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two
inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is
feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely
brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think
I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

one more....

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!!!

Ok I'm done now! Have a great day!

something to ponder...

This is part of Nelson Mandela's Inaugural address in 1994. It's really powerful! And so true!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God, your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.