Friday, June 19, 2009

Hello Rock! Hello Hard Place!

Rock: What's the thing we're squishing?

Hard Place: Oh, that's just Kallay.

Rock: Do you think we should give her a break?

Hard Place: Naaaah! She always climbs over us anyway. She'll figure it out.

Rock: I hope so! She's turning blue!

Hard Place: And red! WOW!

Rock: I know right? Cool!

Hard Place: Lean in, maybe we can get her to turn purple!

Rock: OK!

Hard Place: Hm...

Rock: I think she's fighting...

Hard Place: I think you're right.

Rock: She just kicked me in the stone.

Hard Place: I know! She got me in the crack!

Rock: This isn't working.

Hard Place: Don't give up! We're making her strong!

Rock: Maybe, but she seems sad.

Hard Place: Trust me. She'll thank us later.

*sigh* I need sleep. Or something. I just wrote a note about what my rock and hard place have been talking about lately. This is ridiculous.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

ya know... or not.

well.... it's over over. done and done.

apparently he was also an ass wipe. but he had an awesome marketing team and a great sales pitch. and pretty packaging. the problem is that once i finally got the damn thing opened... it was the same shit inside.

cheater cheater pumpkin eater.
had a girlfriend but couldn't please her. (yeah... i said it out loud)
he was chatting on the side,
with a girl who's whore-ified.
she sent him pictures of her boobs,
i found out and made him move. (back to south carolina in the middle of the night)

that's pretty much it.

he wanted another chance and i'm too old for that game anymore.

lost a friend in the end but not really. i don't really try to associate with the faux and when you boil it down.... it was all just a mirage. he was a boy living in a man's body and will probably stay that way for the rest of his life. poor guy.

missing out.

moving on......

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

He did it again...


I asked for strength and
God gave me difficulties to make me strong
I asked for wisdom and
God gave me problems to solve
I asked for prosperity and
God gave me brawn and brain to work
I asked for courage and
God gave me dangers to overcome
I asked for patience and
God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait
I asked for love and
God gave me troubled people to help
I asked for favors and
God gave me opportunities
I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
Author Unknown

So we've all read this before, or maybe we haven't... but the wisdom within is something to revel in.

I ask God for a lot of things but mostly they are patience, strength and hope. Love and forgiveness come easy for me. Many months ago I asked God for someone who would be perfect for me. He listened and then does what He does best and answered the prayer with an unusual outcome. The perfect person for me wasn't someone I would spend the rest of my life with but someone who would test my patience, someone who would, in the end, make me stronger.

The relationship didn't last long, the friendship of two years is now also over. But the outcome has left me hopeful and happy. Which is exactly the opposite of my feeling of any other past relationship gone wrong. God guarded my heart so that I could be strong in the end. I said no to someone. I've been down this road so many times, always taking the familiar beaten path of forgive, forget, and hold on. But this time, I took a shortcut. It's always been there. But it looked scary. It looked to me like I was being unforgiving and mean. To say no to someone who begged for another chance seemed impossible.

And then I did it. I trotted down the path, I held my ground, I said no. Three strikes and you're out only applies to baseball, not to matters of MY heart. The path was shorter than I had anticipated. I always thought it would lead to more disappointment, regret, self loathing and endless questions. But when I arrived at the end of the untraveled path, what I found was much different.

I found my self respect that I had lost on the last trip down the familiar path. And hope was there too. I found a smile to wear and an armor of strength. I was rewarded with an ounce of pride and with what feels like an applause from God. If God was talking to me right now I think He might say something like "You finally found the way! I've been waiting for you all this time!" He would smile and I would thank Him for guarding my heart. I would thank Him for enabling me to use the strength I always knew I had but could never find at the moment I needed it.

Today I feel blessed. With wonderful friends, with an awesome sister, and a God who gives us only what we need, which is always more than we ever asked for.