Thursday, August 27, 2009

go go gadget patience!

this shit is for the birds. i have the patience of a saint when it comes to people. but i am admittedly hands down the most impatient person when it comes to surprises (that i know about), call backs and waiting in general. i just suck at it.

i have recently decided that watching my niece and nephew grow up in pictures is not my cup of tea. so i'm throwing it down the drain and moving back to the north. i don't want to talk about the snow, the freezing cold, or the ice wind. i will adjust eventually. they are worth it. the city of choice is chicago. i have interviewed for a fantastic position, scouted an apartment and a great little neighborhood. all of this is resting on one job interview and my stomach is a giant whirly twirly knot. i have applied at some other places, received some call backs and emails. no other interviews though at this point. i called the GM today and was told that she is checking my references and that she will make a decision by monday. she is also checking out two other candidates' references. my head officially hurts and my day has gone accordingly...

i woke up at 11:30 am after accidentally shutting my alarm off at 9 when i was originally going to wake up and greet my day. after getting ready and realizing i have no clothes to wear to work i put on a pink t-shirt that is not dress code and drank some coffee to wake up. i traveled all weekend on my days off so laundry is currently doing it's wishy washy thing. i drove to work. was there on time for once his month. clocked in, looked at the daily.... and fuck me... Kallay Sup was supposed to be there at 5 pm. not 1 pm. son of a bitch god damn it.

so i clocked out. prepared a couple of triple lattes for roomie and me and began the walk back to my car. (i also parked in the back today where we are supposed to park but i never do... rebellious i am... had a bit of a jog back to the car with my hands full of lava hot milk and coffee, sleeves kallay, sleeves!) i made roomie an extra hot almond latte so it would still be hot when i got home. apparently the cup was bent on one side though so i made the entire walk back to the car and then spilled all the good foam on my driver's side window and roof. arg. thank god i had two napkins still left from the road trip up to chicago. yup. just the two. begin to wipe milk off the car and finished with some dry napkin. small blessings... because i spilled it AGAIN when i tried to put it in the cup holder. apparently the gear shift and console also wanted to try my almond latte creation. fuckers. used the rest of the dry napkin to collect the sticky shit from the car and drove back home.

now i'm waiting for the laundry to finish drying so i can change my shirt for work... again. this whole waiting around for a phone call is worse than dating. i'm dating a job interview. i just want to hear... "i love you." is that so hard? those other two candidates can not be as awesome as i am. i'm just saying that to make myself feel better. but let's be honest, i need it more than they do. my current life situation depends on this. i am halfway to crazy. spilling stuff. showing up to work 4 fucking hours early, and have had more sweets in the past two days than i have had in a month. this is ridiculous. i'm eating my patience. brownie sundaes, apple fritters, cookies, lattes with extra shots and extra caramel... my thighs are screaming STOP STOP STOP! my mind is screaming EAT FOOL! EAT! my phone just stuck it's tongue out at me.

stupid patience. what a bitch.

dear indiana,

you make road trips painful. maybe you could pick a speed limit? somewhere in the middle of 60 and 35? it's just a suggestion. my brakes are hurting from going 60 to 45 to 55 to 35 to 60 to 45 to 35 to 30 (??) for about a mile back to 55. it's so confusing. your highway is one giant speed trap. and i passed thank you.

except for this one time.....

i'm confused about this warning. i was warned for n/a. what does this mean? being pulled over at 1:30 in the morning after driving for God knows how long at 10 mph over the speed limit and then being a good girl all through your state is beyond confusing. your police officer said that i passed him and that passing a police officer is illegal. um... i don't remember that rule. i DO remember that pulling out in front of someone is illegal which is what your police officer did. so i went around him to avoid eating the back of his head with my car. so why did i get pulled over? and why did it take him 45 minutes to decide that i should just go with a warning?

probably because... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!

so thank you for the 45 minute nap indiana. and thank you for the brake job. and the n/a warning. i will be careful to never n/a ever again.

the not drunk, not speeding, not breaking any laws driver from sunday at 1:30 am.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

scrapin' up bunnies

alright... here's the run down.

i had a bad experience. the whole of tuesday was a bad experience really. it was just endless bad hour after bad hour. so bad, i was starting to think that maybe it wasn't tuesday after all. maybe it really was monday and God was just fucking with me. but no... it was tuesday. my computer confirmed it. and so did my cellphone. the worst part was that it started at 6:25 am and didn't end until 4 in the morning on wednesday.

my mental scroll for tuesday august 11....

6:25 am: ugh. i need coffee.

6:30 am: holy damn it! it's 6:30???? I set my alarm for 5:25... right? oh shit! (check phone... sure enough... 5:25... my phone malfunctioned in the night.)

7:00 am: must drive faster....

7:10 am: "hey it's me! i'm on the way... my alarm's retarded i'm sorry!"

7:20 am: what the hell? did you turn out the lights and just walk away? i mean really? i need a to do list.
1. clean cafe.
2. open cafe.
3. do order
4. make lots of phone calls.
5. break at 12 to allow time for training.

9:00 am: oh man... it's going to be one of *those* days.

10:00 am: you're retarded... can i have an oven that works please?
10:05 am: you're retarded... can you pick up these 3 week old scones now? they're *still* not mine.
10:10 am: you're retarded... can you please fix my jet propelled water filtration system please? i actually only need the one shower per day. thanksverymuch. you said 3 weeks ago you would fix it.

11:00 am: i'm on the bookfloor... why? can i do MY job now?? please?

12:00 pm: still have to put in the order... guess i'm not having that hour of blissful break today.

12:30 pm: SON OF A MOTHER...... did that just happen? (power went out... lost my order... going to have to redo that later...)

12:45 pm: left over kraft is the shit.

1:00 pm: training, training, training.... leave me alone, stop interrupting, would you JUST! GAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord... how am i going to train these people in 2 days? how?

2:30 pm: i need nicotine. lots of fucking nicotine.

4:15 pm: well... i *was* going to be going home now.

5:00 pm: ok email... 17 tries is ample enough chances to LOAD PLEASE.

5:30 pm: finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok.. order's in. whew! no break today. been here for 10 hours with no break. i'm officially done and done.

6:30 pm: aahhh... *sigh* home again. hercules please pee. bella stop eating the... damn it STOP! eating! the! grass! shit! OH! good girl! :)

7:00 pm: yoga man here i come.

7:45 pm: oooohhmmmmmmm.... wait... warrior pose what? can we just skip the ouchies and skip to the part where we lay on the ground and you talk about letting good energy in and i put the lavender pillow on my eyes and have nap time? oh right... pigeon. yes, great idea. oooor not. ouch!!! ooo... i love happy baby! we're almost there! *snore* namaste and stuff!

9:30 pm: oliver is having another seizure i think... oh... no he's just dancing.

10:30 pm: why is borders calling? we're closed!

10:45 pm: i can't believe i'm driving back to work.... i can't believe i'm driving back to work.... i can't believe i'm driving back to work....

11:00 pm: crisis averted... keys unlocked... need food. thanks nice mcdonald's lady!

11:30 pm: mmm... belly full.

relax, relax, relax, facebook, giggle, facebook, giggle....

2:00 am: (RING) what the.... who is calling me at 2 am????

2:30 am: i can't believe i'm driving back to work.... i can't believe i'm driving back to work.... i can't believe i'm driving back to work.... i swear if someone is in there, they will wish they hadn't broken into the store at 2 am. damn damn damn......

3:00 am: WOH!!!! BUNNY!!!! oh god... missed it. thank go.... ugh... what the hell? am i dragging... oh my god!!!!!

3:15 am: yep, i'm insane. i'm scraping up a bunny that's skinned, half alive, half squirting organs, off the road and onto the grass with my ice scraper. yup. sure am! because anyone would! i mean i can't just leave it here. oh my god bunny stop blinking please. :( :( :( :( don't cry. don't cry. don't cry. ok... rest in peace little bunny. i'm so sorry. :( :( :(

4:00 am: i suck. this day sucked. i have to be up at a stupid 6. my gas light is on. have to ask alice for money. i miss my family. oh crap i forgot to send that email to jennifer! i have to do that tomorrow. i wonder if i could photo shop the decorations onto the cake. poor bunny. *cry* am i for real still awake? its been 22 hours. i should be sleepy. i should be... *snore*

9:00 am: it's WHAT!? NINE!? i was supposed to be at work at 8! oh... eff. em. ell. damn damn damn.......

*cry in car*

7:25 pm: i need a vacation.

Monday, August 10, 2009

mind vomit... more like dry heeves

needing to get all of this out somewhere but i don't know a foreign enough language for it to be acceptable for the public eye.

don't want anyone to know, but i need it out of my head resting somewhere other than in between the folds of sanity that are left.

starting to feel a little bit like a train wreck on the inside while the outside is merrily catching up. so much for the instant face lift avon... thanks.

i'm too nice of a person to tell people how i really feel about them... mostly because i don't want to either a) scare them away or b) hurt their feelings.

a lot of my neurological spinning is relationship oriented. there are also the monetary spins, the what the fuck do i do now swirls, and the i need something more circles.

i thought PMS was supposed to hit BEFORE your period?