Sunday, September 28, 2008

my sweet precious woobie

this morning at around 5:30 one of my very favorite friends passed away. she was kind and gentle. when she was younger she loved to stand up on our balcony and catch koosh balls (remember those!?) and then she would bat them back down so we could throw them again. her other hobbies included eating, sleeping, chasing hair things and strings... she was always a kitten at heart up until about a week ago.

she loved people and especially her other fur friends who over the years have included 2 cocker spaniels, 3 golden retrievers, and who knows how many cats, although her favorite was my other cat Madeline. she looooooved boys. they always trumped me when it was time to choose a lap. everyone loved her. she was the best cat i have ever had. she came with me through every move, every marriage and divorce, every heart break, every success.... she's been there. to cuddle with me and console me. she would lay her sweet little face on my hand and lick away tears. now, as i mourn her, all i want is her on my lap purring away.

olivia was born in november 1989. she had a great life, at one point weighing almost 15 lbs. she was a fighter. anytime she was sick she would fight it and come through. so many times i have thought that i was going to have to put her down but she always sprang back to life and continued on. even up until her peaceful rest she fought. when i saw her last night she refused to close her eyes. she just laid her head on my arm and held on with her other paw with the little strength she had left, staring straight ahead and sometimes looking up as if to say.... "thanks for being here with me."

i am completely heart broken. it's going to be hard leaving tomorrow, but i know she is in a better place now. no longer suffering from the paralyzation she experienced yesterday morning after having a stroke.

ugh my poor woobie.

rest peacefully my love.

Olivia "Woobie"
November 1989 - September 2008

Thursday, September 25, 2008

the blogs are coming, the blogs are coming!

really! according to myspace i have 87 blogs to move. that's kind of a little. so... be patient while i procrastinate. to quench your thirst... i'll post one of my faves. it's from January 25, 2007... enjoy!

I have to go grocery shopping today. On my new dumb budget. Ok, here it is. I love grocery shopping. It's always an adventure. I love getting a cart because mine is ALWAYS broken. It either veers right or left, maybe one of the wheels gets stuck, or it just makes a rockin' noise. I love walking through the produce section because people always look at me funny when I pick something up and put it back. I have zero etiquette when it comes to that. I'm not buying a nasty apple just because I touched it. I don't care. It'll make you wash your stupid food before you eat it (and you should anyway). You know the farmer picked his nose and the produce guy at the store is 16 and Lord knows where his hands have been. (I'm betting on no hot water.) I also love how there are 17 different kinds of ketchup, but it's hard to find 4 rolls of toilet paper. You may only buy 24 triple rolls.

I love how a lady will park her giant ass cart (I realize it's not ACTUALLY bigger than my own) in the middle of the aisle and then glare at you when you gently move it over so you can get past. You'd think it would be okay with her since she's at the OTHER end of the aisle. I love that I always forget to get dog food and then have to figure out a place for the 50lb. bag among the eggs, tomatoes, and glass jars of whatnot. I love looking for an ingredient that SHOULD be in the spice aisle but find it in the canned foods. I love when I spontaneously buy something not on my list.

My absolute favorite thing about the grocery store though has GOT to be checking out. It's the highlight of my bi-week. As an American I am always in a hurry even when I'm not, so I always look for the shortest aisle. A caution for Americans actually in a hurry. There's a reason there's only one person in this lane. It will be one of these three:

A) It's a new cashier. (New cashiers... can't find the code for bananas, don't know how to redeem a gift certificate, and bag slow.)

B) The person wanted their groceries to be rung up in 3 separate transactions, they bought the wrong juice, or forgot the bread. (I am NOT making fun of WIC people, don't even try it. I'm just making a factual observation.)

or (and this is my personal fave)

C) Manager register 3!! (BTW, said manager is either on a break, cleaning up glass and honey in aisle 80, or "didn't hear the call".)

I always get the short aisle. And I always stand in line for 20 minutes without fail. A theory is that I could go grocery shopping 5 times and get 12 items each time and check out in the self checkout lane, but guess who's in the self checkout? Yeah. Foreigners... who can't read English. Or old people, who can't figure out that you have to put the ITEM IN THE BAG before scanning the next item.

Another of my favorite things about checking out...

I am anal about which food goes in which bag with which other food. I specifically place my food in such an order that it will end up this way when I get home for ease of stocking. However, not once have I figured out how the frozen stuff ends up with a cereal box in it. What. the. F. Then comes the bill...

I suck at food budgets. I do. Because I always think of something I want to make for the week and then I turn around and go searching through the aisles again. Then I get home and realize I forgot the chicken for it. Which then leads to another cart, another glare, another cashier and another messed up bag. All because I suck at food budgets. I get so excited when I finally get up to the cashier and slide my card that I forget about the amount that was just up on the screen. My receipt says, "Congratulations! You saved $0.09!!" with a big red circle around it like I'm awesome, so I must be. Then I get home and shudder.

But I do like grocery shopping. The shopping part. I like looking at food. Smelling produce, finding the squarest box, getting the last _____. It's fun! Especially when the aisle hog wanted it.

Well, off I go. With a list. *boo* And a budget. *hiss*

Sunday, September 21, 2008

i hate everyone

I Hate Everyone by Get Set Go

Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you it's true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

The lyrics fit my mood today. I'm so OVER these Chicago people and their fucking lame ass tips. And other assholes who order a spicy tuna sandwich with wasabi sauce and then bitch that it's not spicy enough. Like it's MY fault that wasabi doesn't tear his mouth up! I'm tired of women who order water and a cup of soup and then sit at the table ALL night and chat (read: gossip). GO TO PANERA!! Arrogant coworkers. Nasty old men. Surprise doubles. Stupid people. It's all annoying to me today.

So I don't actually hate *everyone*. Just these window lickers.

Friday, September 12, 2008

ever been in a shit storm?

i have!!!

it all started on January 1, 2008 at precisely 12:00am.

i'm resolved to the fact that it's not my fault but somehow i got caught in this vicious circle and i'm hoping that the moons are more in my favor in 2009.

do i really believe in all that crap? no but it sounds good! better than thinking that i pissed off God! which is really what i'm starting to believe.

this year has been one accident, one heart break, one medical disaster after another. i mean every month has had it's challenges. January was car month. February was grandma gets cancer month. March was BIRTHDAY and heartbreak month. April was pneumonia, sinus infection, flu and roommate leaving month. May was fuck i have to move back to michigan month... and another car month. June was lose your appendix in emergency surgery month. July was heartbreak month combined with unemployment month. August was move in with my mother and yet another... heartbreak month. September is something is wrong with you but we're not sure what month.

so as i'm getting ready to go see this medical specialist... i wonder what the outcome will be. is there an underlying problem? i have been sick more times this year than i care to remember. colds, the flu, pneumonia, infections, appendicitis, now my kidneys? what the hell!? i don't think i've been sick this many times in my LIFE much less in one YEAR. i'll be frank and say that i am scared. i'm worried that my health is speaking to a much bigger problem that is being ignored. my symptoms have been severe and i have been stressed out beyond belief. but...

is stress really this bad for you? if it is then i am going to be the poster girl for yoga after all of this is over. seriously. i don't generally make a big deal about things. i'm not a drama queen by any sense of the word. i'm usually the calm one in emergency situations, making jokes to ease the strain. does that mean that i hold stress in? does it mean that my ability to stay calm is actually what is killing me? something to consider i guess.

how ridiculous though!!

anyway, fear will not help me here. even though i would be lying if i said i wasn't worried. i need to stay calm and hope for the best. it could be nothing but a freak year where everything goes wrong. who knows? pray for me anyway though. i would appreciate it.

Friday, September 5, 2008

it's hard to ignore

i shouldn't even look. but i can't help it. it's hard to ignore.

all i can think of is that i should have trusted my gut when i told him i had a bad feeling about us. i knew it then and my body warned my heart but we didn't listen.

how could i have been so stupid to think that we would ever work out? i'm too good and he's too bad. he throws money around like it's love and throws love around like a noose.

he cheated. and that sucks. i'm kind of over the whole being cheated on thing. it's been one too many times this time. i already knew though. deep down. i confronted him. not like it makes any difference to confront a liar. the good news for me is that i know when someone is lying. the bad news is that i often go against my better judgment and then get burned.

unfortunately i'm finding i can't let it go. i feel like i was betrayed and the stubborn bitch in me wants revenge. and ANSWERS. god wouldn't that be great if someone ripped your heart out and then ran back and went "oh, by the way, it was nothing personal, i just needed a solid girl to get by until i found my next adventure. so thanks!" i mean, at least it's a truthful explanation.

the only comfort i have right now is that i know he will do it to her too. she's just as guilty as he is. i mean it's the army... some of the girls are known for their slutty ways. she knew he had a serious girlfriend. so i guess she can wear her whore badge with real pride now! she'll fall for him though. he's a con man that way. and then he'll drop her like a bag of rocks when he's done with her and move on to his next watering hole. he'll wait until he can give her his "i love you but i'm not in love with you" speech that he doesn't even understand. he likes to twist the knife. he likes it when women beg for him. fall for him. pine for him. so when he drops them he can leave them in a heap without guilt. after all it's the woman's fault for falling in love right?

guys like this are what ruin it for the good guys. wanna know why? because these guys come off as the good guy. after meeting a few of these "good guys" we tend to splash away from the "good guys" and just go for the straight up assholes. i mean, at least we can skip the bullshit right? he's a jerk on the first date and second and third... but at least he's consistent. you're never confused. that's for sure. and if you're smart you won't fall in love. so there's less chance of getting hurt. of course i'm kidding...

in all honesty though... guys like him DO ruin it for the good guys. a girl can only be burned so many times before she just wants to be stone cold. i'm not there. yet. i'm probably too forgiving to ever be there. but it does limit the chances for the good guys. and this is why...

every time i get hurt. every time i get cheated on. lied to. treated below my standards... i get pickier. picky means that some of the good guys get weeded out along with the assholes. it could be for a stupid reason like... he drives a red car! or his jeans are too short. or he looks too much like HIM. but they're weeded out none the less.

the funny thing about being picky for me is that when someone asks me what i want... i can't tell them because i have NO idea. i haven't met him yet. so how do i know what he's like? i say i want someone funny and responsible but what if my perfect match is a drone and doesn't believe in to do lists? really!

so... all i can say is... sorry to the good guys. fuck off to the assholes. and love is a meat grinder, so watch your fingers.