ever been in a shit storm?

i have!!!

it all started on January 1, 2008 at precisely 12:00am.

i'm resolved to the fact that it's not my fault but somehow i got caught in this vicious circle and i'm hoping that the moons are more in my favor in 2009.

do i really believe in all that crap? no but it sounds good! better than thinking that i pissed off God! which is really what i'm starting to believe.

this year has been one accident, one heart break, one medical disaster after another. i mean every month has had it's challenges. January was car month. February was grandma gets cancer month. March was BIRTHDAY and heartbreak month. April was pneumonia, sinus infection, flu and roommate leaving month. May was fuck i have to move back to michigan month... and another car month. June was lose your appendix in emergency surgery month. July was heartbreak month combined with unemployment month. August was move in with my mother and yet another... heartbreak month. September is something is wrong with you but we're not sure what month.

so as i'm getting ready to go see this medical specialist... i wonder what the outcome will be. is there an underlying problem? i have been sick more times this year than i care to remember. colds, the flu, pneumonia, infections, appendicitis, now my kidneys? what the hell!? i don't think i've been sick this many times in my LIFE much less in one YEAR. i'll be frank and say that i am scared. i'm worried that my health is speaking to a much bigger problem that is being ignored. my symptoms have been severe and i have been stressed out beyond belief. but...

is stress really this bad for you? if it is then i am going to be the poster girl for yoga after all of this is over. seriously. i don't generally make a big deal about things. i'm not a drama queen by any sense of the word. i'm usually the calm one in emergency situations, making jokes to ease the strain. does that mean that i hold stress in? does it mean that my ability to stay calm is actually what is killing me? something to consider i guess.

how ridiculous though!!

anyway, fear will not help me here. even though i would be lying if i said i wasn't worried. i need to stay calm and hope for the best. it could be nothing but a freak year where everything goes wrong. who knows? pray for me anyway though. i would appreciate it.