Sunday, May 27, 2007

maybe i am....

jealous, controlling, paranoid, possessive, frustrated, semi-untrusting and just plain scared.

but i'm also loving, honest, trustworthy, kind, giving, caring, faithful, hardworking, beautiful, intelligent, intuitive, fun, understanding, a good listener, and trying my best to forget the past god damn it.

i can't hurry up and heal. it doesn't work that way. i feel better about you now than i did when i met you. i feel safe in your arms at night when we sleep. i feel secure in my place in your life. i feel grateful to have you in mine. so what if i miss you when you're gone. so what if i like to do things with you. yeah i get mad when you talk about all the things we can't do together because you can't "run slow, play slow, or let me win" because it's boring. i get frustrated when i just want to relax with you and cuddle and you have to call every friend to see what they're up to. i'm not sorry i ask questions. i like to be in the know. i like to have the answers no one else gets. i like the inside edition. i'm tired of being on the outside. let me in like i've let you. let me be your shoulder. let me be your rock. take down that hard wall and stop making me climb.

i love you. the way you look at me. the way you make me think. the way i feel when i'm with you. i love your intelligence. i love your blue eyes. i'm trusting you as much as i can with the information you've given me. so start talking and my trust will rise. start showing me and you'll be satisfied. stop giving me reasons to back away. stop showing me that i need to protect myself.

because i love you and i want a future with you. but we need to compromise.

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