Thursday, June 19, 2008

yeah, i'm THAT girl

yeah, the one who drops her cellphone at least once per day on a hard scratchy surface.

the one who will at one point or another in her life put on and wear her shirt inside out and backwards until someone points out that she is indeed wearing a grande shirt from old navy with the tag as her necklace.

the one who will burn her eyelids forgetting sunscreen on the little parts.

the one who has probably fallen in a very public place and taken down someone with her.

the one who trips over air, stains her jeans on the grass, and proceeds to live life as usual.

yeah... i'm a clutz. i've dropped cameras, gotten mysterious bruises (that have sometimes been deemed the unidentified drunken wounds or UDWs), stepped on toes with 4" heels, crushed animals tails', smashed a finger or five in a car door, broken dishes, broken toes, broken nails for no apparent reason, and so the following might surprise you...

today... i waxed my own eyebrows.

what possessed me was the surprisingly low balance in the vault.

and the urging of a dear friend who has faith in my ability as an accident extraordinaire to overcome! beat the odds! NOT WAX OFF AN ENTIRE EYEBROW!

to target i went. i sought. i bought. and stared for a week at what could be my latest and greatest victory of clutzdom.

i read the directions. 3 times. and while applying the thinest layer of adhesive eyebrow destroyer...

i read them right.

i started with the right. non-expertly applying wax like a 5th grader smearing VERY Red on everything but the lips. and it was rippin' time. so i ripped. and then i had to rip again and again and again because the thinest layer was where the actual hair was and so then i tweezed the wax particles from the remaining offensive brow area. repeating this again and again on the right offender until the perfect arch and hairlessness was achieved. but SHIT! there's TWO!

on to the left. and this is where our story really begins. the left eyebrow waited patiently. happily blowing in the breeze. or something. and when it came time. it gobbled up the wax like it was normal to have a missing eyebrow. now i didn't remove the wax from this particular area as i would have been left with skin and the horrible job of drawing on a normal looking brow. i read the directions for the 32nd time and found that baby oil removes unwanted wax. hooray! or not. after vigorously applying baby oil (with which much relief i found in the newly organized plastic storage container) i realized my friend the wax ball was not gonna budge. so i continued but this time using my nail with the baby oil to try and pry its dirty little grasp off my brow without actually removing it. after 10 minutes, the wax was (i think) removed and all is well and good with the arch. glasses on!

oh. my. god.

only a perfectionist freak will notice. or an expert waxer. but while i still have two. there are definitely TWO. not identical twins but not quite opposite either. a light brow drawing will ensue later.

but i think my mission was successful. i still have two eyebrows. (goal 1) they look *almost* the same. (similar to goal 2) i didn't wax off an eyelash. (maybe this should have been goal 1?) and no animals were hurt in the experiment.


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