Sunday, October 19, 2008

it's squeaking?

so... you know when you fart kind of loud? but you're on a wooden chair or plastic bench and you're wearing really tight jeans? or when you REALLY have to poo and you waited until you got home because you knew it would be offensively loud? well, our toilet seat is making that loud screeching squeaky farty sound all by itself now! i cleaned the bathroom today because we only have one and i think it's gross to have the semi-public bathroom looking like a haunted mansion. so i scrubbed the tub and sink and floors and the toilet. apparently i upset the toilet hinge because it's complaining kind of loudly. i wouldn't be surprised if the downstairs occupants didn't hear it. it's like the toilet is now announcing our arrivals and departures. "NOW ARRIVING IN GATE POO!"

i'm an avid believer in closing the toilet lid. for one, i used to have a cat that liked to drink out of the toilet and while the sight of a cat with it's brains in the toilet and tail straight out for balance is quite hysterical... it's also scary if you have a twisted mind like i do. i always imagined her accidentally falling in face first and getting stuck in the poo hole at the bottom. that would be horrifying. so i close the lid. and two, sometimes your poo scrapes up against the side of the bowl which (obviously) requires a second flush to rid the bowl of the offensive streak, sort of like a courtesy flush, but after the attack. i personally close the lid before the initial flush because i don't like the idea of john particles all over my toothbrush. (i saw it on TLC once and got freaked out ok?) but i always check after the flush just in case something may have... streaked. while i used to be able to do this in private... our toilet now announces my every move.

SQUH-WEEEEEK! (potty noises) SQUH-WEEEEEK! (flush noises) squeak.squeak. (those are the peeking noises) i wish i had a sound clip of the noise because from the living room it really does sound like someone is relieving themselves of some serious mexican in the bathroom when really they're just trying to take an innocent pee. when you're actually IN the bathroom it's kind of like an echoing screeching noise... like train breaks.

i love old houses for their charm and for their strange noises. for example... the last three steps climbing up to the apartment creak. it was one of the first things i fell in love with when we walked in. after that it was the fact that some doors NEED to be slammed in order to shut properly... including but not limited to... my closet door, the kitchen door, and often the front door. isn't that awesome!? "why are you slamming the door!?" "i had to! it won't shut unless i slam it!" tee hee! my fan is new but it's also trying to fit in with the cool crowd and announces its on position by making a sound comparable to a hand mixer. the bottom door in the bathroom storage area refuses to stay closed and houses a very large hole for the cats to utilize their new favorite hiding place... the crawl space! which is really nothing more than the cats just climbing through the walls, meowing til we can't find them and give up and then they appear out of absolutely nowhere. for a while they crawled through the hole in the office but that has since been boarded up after our washer and dryer debacle (which btw has yet to be resolved). they gave up on that adventure and now i think they're just messing with our heads. the outlets need 2 prong adapters to plug in anything with 3 prongs and because it's us, almost everything we own has a three prong plug. needless to say lowe's has become our new haven. paint and supplies, plug adapters, fan cords, space heaters, light bulbs, etc. lowe's loves us.

so now that our toilet has started squawking to fit in with the rest of the broken house, i think it's officially time to say that we must be absolutely nuts to love this place but we do nonetheless. it's house-tabulous. i love that our toilet lid is squeaking, it gives meaning to the phrase "squeaky clean." although now i may burst out into random laughter at inappropriate times anytime anyone uses the bathroom... it's still a cute little quirk. it could be worse. i can't say i've ever heard of something squeaking AFTER it's been cleaned but like i said... i think our new stuff is trying to fit in with the old to please our sick love of all things antique and is therefore breaking for no other reason than to squeak, rattle, and drive me into a straight jacket.

squeak.squeak.

4 comments:

iTeresa said...

squeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk squeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk pee squeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk squeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk flush
LMAO hahaha

medic24149 said...

niiice : )

sarah said...

absolutely hilarious. :o)

Kerry "KDizzle" "KDawg" KLuv" said...

You guys are so classy