I recently acquired a new part time job picking up 4 kids from school and taking them home. They are the sweetest kids. So today it is snowing like crazy out and I'm late picking them up. It sucks. And then it takes 8 years to get them home because the roads SUCK. Icy/snowy/slushy/sucky. So I get them home with all of their parts and the oldest girl hands me all these papers. SOOOOO cute!
On the first page it says Thank you Miss Kalley! (yes it's spelled wrong who cares!?) and then she drew a blue car underneath it. *aw* Then the next page says:
Thank you for bringing us home from school today, you are the best!
To: Miss. Kalley
Love: Neely (last name here)
Then the next page (I KNOW! Can you believe how many pages!) is Miss. Kalley in block letters in red and blue.
And then on the next page is ME in the middle in a blue dress and with curly hair and the four of them on either side of me. It's so funny. I have these giant red lips and the girls all have small lips and then the brother has giant red lips too. LOL!
Then the last page just says Thank You
Is that not the sweetest thing EVER!? It's only the FIRST day!!!! Can you imagine what migth happen on my birthday!?
I just had to share. It was TOO cute.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
love but hate
I have to go grocery shopping today. On my new dumb budget. Ok, here it is. I love grocery shopping. It's always an adventure. I love getting a cart because mine is ALWAYS broken. It either veers right or left, maybe one of the wheels gets stuck, or it just makes a rockin' noise. I love walking through the produce section because people always look at me funny when I pick something up and put it back. I have zero etiquette when it comes to that. I'm not buying a nasty apple just because I touched it. I don't care. It'll make you wash your stupid food before you eat it (and you should anyway). You know the farmer picked his nose and the produce guy at the store is 16 and Lord knows where his hands have been. (I'm betting on no hot water.) I also love how there are 17 different kinds of ketchup, but it's hard to find 4 rolls of toilet paper. You may only buy 24 triple rolls.
I love how a lady will park her giant ass cart (I realize it's not ACTUALLY bigger than my own) in the middle of the aisle and then glare at you when you gently move it over so you can get past. You'd think it would be okay with her since she's at the OTHER end of the aisle. I love that I always forget to get dog food and then have to figure out a place for the 50lb. bag among the eggs, tomatoes, and glass jars of whatnot. I love looking for an ingredient that SHOULD be in the spice aisle but find it in the canned foods. I love when I spontaneously buy something not on my list.
My absolute favorite thing about the grocery store though has GOT to be checking out. It's the highlight of my bi-week. As an American I am always in a hurry even when I'm not, so I always look for the shortest aisle. A caution for Americans actually in a hurry. There's a reason there's only one person in this lane. It will be one of these three:
A) It's a new cashier. (New cashiers... can't find the code for bananas, don't know how to redeem a gift certificate, and bag slow.)
B) The person wanted their groceries to be rung up in 3 separate transactions, they bought the wrong juice, or forgot the bread. (I am NOT making fun of WIC people, don't even try it. I'm just making a factual observation.)
or (and this is my personal fave)
C) Manager register 3!! (BTW, said manager is either on a break, cleaning up glass and honey in aisle 80, or "didn't hear the call".)
I always get the short aisle. And I always stand in line for 20 minutes without fail. A theory is that I could go grocery shopping 5 times and get 12 items each time and check out in the self checkout lane, but guess who's in the self checkout? Yeah. Foreigners... who can't read English. Or old people, who can't figure out that you have to put the ITEM IN THE BAG before scanning the next item.
Another of my favorite things about checking out...
I am anal about which food goes in which bag with which other food. I specifically place my food in such an order that it will end up this way when I get home for ease of stocking. However, not once have I figured out how the frozen stuff ends up with a cereal box in it. What. the. F. Then comes the bill...
I suck at food budgets. I do. Because I always think of something I want to make for the week and then I turn around and go searching through the aisles again. Then I get home and realize I forgot the chicken for it. Which then leads to another cart, another glare, another cashier and another messed up bag. All because I suck at food budgets. I get so excited when I finally get up to the cashier and slide my card that I forget about the amount that was just up on the screen. My receipt says, "Congratulations! You saved $0.09!!" with a big red circle around it like I'm awesome, so I must be. Then I get home and shudder.
But I do like grocery shopping. The shopping part. I like looking at food. Smelling produce, finding the squarest box, getting the last _____. It's fun! Especially when the aisle hog wanted it.
Well, off I go. With a list. *boo* And a budget. *hiss*
I love how a lady will park her giant ass cart (I realize it's not ACTUALLY bigger than my own) in the middle of the aisle and then glare at you when you gently move it over so you can get past. You'd think it would be okay with her since she's at the OTHER end of the aisle. I love that I always forget to get dog food and then have to figure out a place for the 50lb. bag among the eggs, tomatoes, and glass jars of whatnot. I love looking for an ingredient that SHOULD be in the spice aisle but find it in the canned foods. I love when I spontaneously buy something not on my list.
My absolute favorite thing about the grocery store though has GOT to be checking out. It's the highlight of my bi-week. As an American I am always in a hurry even when I'm not, so I always look for the shortest aisle. A caution for Americans actually in a hurry. There's a reason there's only one person in this lane. It will be one of these three:
A) It's a new cashier. (New cashiers... can't find the code for bananas, don't know how to redeem a gift certificate, and bag slow.)
B) The person wanted their groceries to be rung up in 3 separate transactions, they bought the wrong juice, or forgot the bread. (I am NOT making fun of WIC people, don't even try it. I'm just making a factual observation.)
or (and this is my personal fave)
C) Manager register 3!! (BTW, said manager is either on a break, cleaning up glass and honey in aisle 80, or "didn't hear the call".)
I always get the short aisle. And I always stand in line for 20 minutes without fail. A theory is that I could go grocery shopping 5 times and get 12 items each time and check out in the self checkout lane, but guess who's in the self checkout? Yeah. Foreigners... who can't read English. Or old people, who can't figure out that you have to put the ITEM IN THE BAG before scanning the next item.
Another of my favorite things about checking out...
I am anal about which food goes in which bag with which other food. I specifically place my food in such an order that it will end up this way when I get home for ease of stocking. However, not once have I figured out how the frozen stuff ends up with a cereal box in it. What. the. F. Then comes the bill...
I suck at food budgets. I do. Because I always think of something I want to make for the week and then I turn around and go searching through the aisles again. Then I get home and realize I forgot the chicken for it. Which then leads to another cart, another glare, another cashier and another messed up bag. All because I suck at food budgets. I get so excited when I finally get up to the cashier and slide my card that I forget about the amount that was just up on the screen. My receipt says, "Congratulations! You saved $0.09!!" with a big red circle around it like I'm awesome, so I must be. Then I get home and shudder.
But I do like grocery shopping. The shopping part. I like looking at food. Smelling produce, finding the squarest box, getting the last _____. It's fun! Especially when the aisle hog wanted it.
Well, off I go. With a list. *boo* And a budget. *hiss*
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
for your listening enjoyment....
For all my stalkers who have been visiting and not leaving a trace of their identities, I've added some music. So while you rummage through my space you now have some fantastic if not hilarious music to listen to. It's all entertaining. I charge you to grab a beverage and stay awhile even. Some are reflective of my true feelings and some are flashbacks from my youth. Others are just great classic songs that belong on all playlists, at least if you're any self RESPECTing woman. Some will make you pee your pants laughing... or maybe they'll make you go shit on the coats?
If you dare to understand any of this blog... I encourage you to check out the playlist.
Suggestions are welcome. Afterall.. you're the one that has to listen to it.
If you dare to understand any of this blog... I encourage you to check out the playlist.
Suggestions are welcome. Afterall.. you're the one that has to listen to it.
Monday, January 22, 2007
i hope they can read this!
PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door -- nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it furniture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal -- to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink alcoholic beverages.
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and ....
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door -- nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it furniture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal -- to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink alcoholic beverages.
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and ....
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
creepy trakzor
Who ARE you people!?
There are some folks who are looking at my page and it's totally fun. I love meeting new people. But could you please not freak me out? I would love a comment or a message or *something* so I don't just see so and so from kabel, 07 show up on my trakzor.
*shudders* creepy.
There are some folks who are looking at my page and it's totally fun. I love meeting new people. But could you please not freak me out? I would love a comment or a message or *something* so I don't just see so and so from kabel, 07 show up on my trakzor.
*shudders* creepy.
God gets TEN!
So as I'm growing personally and spiritually I have come to the conclusion that my time and money are not being used as wisely as they could be. God gives me everything that I have. He provides for my needs and then some. He gives me encouragement, He provides my everyday human needs (food, water, chelter, clothing, heat, etc.), and He provides my time. Of course we never know how much is doled out to us so my challenge to myself is this: God gets TEN.
If you're a Christian you've heard about the 10% rule before. If you can even call it a rule. God provides 100% of what I have and only asks that I return 10%. He LETS me keep the remaining 90% for myself. It's an abundance when you look at it like this...
Your mother or grandmother or whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner. (We'll use grandma for this.) She provides the turkey, rolls, mashed potatoes, veggies, desserts, appetizers, table, chairs, plates, napkins, etc. What if she said to you... I only want 10%... but YOU (insert your name here) can have the remaining 90%. Hello... I can NOT eat 90% of a turkey plus 90% of all the fixings.. That is an abundance of food, plates, napkins, etc. I do not NEED all of that, but she gave it to me so therefore I should use it wisely. Therefore, I decide to share my 90% with my family and friends joining me.
God only wants 10% of my (His) time and 10% of my (HIS) money. I've broken it down like this...
In one day I have: 24 hours. That means God only wants 2.4 hours of my day. OR 16.8 hours of my week. OK, done.
Monday: BINGO with my old folks and bible study = 2.5 hours
Tuesday: Girls on the Run and bible study = 3.5 hours
Wednesday: BINGO and bible study = 2.5 hours
Thursday: Girls on the Run, bible study and small group= 4.5 hours
Friday: bible study = 1 hour
Saturday: bible study and prayer walk = 2 hours (every month 3rd week of the month greeting and church... add an hour)
Sunday: church (every 4th week ushering) (3rd week of the month, bible study and ??) = 1 hour plus rest
My income is private and I won't post it however I will tell you that I am recommitting myself to tithing. I think it's important, I believe in the power of it, and I love my church, so giving 10% isn't a big deal to me. This church has given me so much already. New friends, peace (that's worth 90% if you ask me!!!), love and opportunity. I don't have many things in my life that I can honestly say have provided all of these things.
Why the sudden lightblub moment? Who knows? It's just something that was placed on my heart today and I prayed about it and decided it was worth the follow through. It's something I've thought about and never followed through on. It's a commitment, but a great one.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because I believe that there's someone reading who needs this message as much as I did(do). To stop being selfish and to start giving. To have the ability is a blessing. Not everyone can. I am thankful to God for giving me the ability and for making me look at my situation honestly. A week ago I would have told you that I couldn't afford the money or the time or wasn't ready or didn't want to.... God has a funny way of knocking you upside the head sometimes. I know He's giggled at my decisions on more than one occasion. Probably even more than once today! The thing is... I believe God when He says He will provide when I give. A week ago I wasn't quite sure. I believe Him when He says rely on me, that I can, and when He says have peace in me, that I will have peace.
There are always obstacles and there are always hard times but those are the times to lean closer, rely more, and have peace with Him.
For the skeptics.. no I didn't just get back from a Seminar, nor did I hear or read anything about this subject. It was simply laid on my heart today. Actually it was when I was counting my $3 in tips. And then again tonight. He's knocking, better answer. That's as simple as it was for me. My prayer is that my challenge for myself will bless someone else. That's all.
Have a great Tuesday! :)
If you're a Christian you've heard about the 10% rule before. If you can even call it a rule. God provides 100% of what I have and only asks that I return 10%. He LETS me keep the remaining 90% for myself. It's an abundance when you look at it like this...
Your mother or grandmother or whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner. (We'll use grandma for this.) She provides the turkey, rolls, mashed potatoes, veggies, desserts, appetizers, table, chairs, plates, napkins, etc. What if she said to you... I only want 10%... but YOU (insert your name here) can have the remaining 90%. Hello... I can NOT eat 90% of a turkey plus 90% of all the fixings.. That is an abundance of food, plates, napkins, etc. I do not NEED all of that, but she gave it to me so therefore I should use it wisely. Therefore, I decide to share my 90% with my family and friends joining me.
God only wants 10% of my (His) time and 10% of my (HIS) money. I've broken it down like this...
In one day I have: 24 hours. That means God only wants 2.4 hours of my day. OR 16.8 hours of my week. OK, done.
Monday: BINGO with my old folks and bible study = 2.5 hours
Tuesday: Girls on the Run and bible study = 3.5 hours
Wednesday: BINGO and bible study = 2.5 hours
Thursday: Girls on the Run, bible study and small group= 4.5 hours
Friday: bible study = 1 hour
Saturday: bible study and prayer walk = 2 hours (every month 3rd week of the month greeting and church... add an hour)
Sunday: church (every 4th week ushering) (3rd week of the month, bible study and ??) = 1 hour plus rest
My income is private and I won't post it however I will tell you that I am recommitting myself to tithing. I think it's important, I believe in the power of it, and I love my church, so giving 10% isn't a big deal to me. This church has given me so much already. New friends, peace (that's worth 90% if you ask me!!!), love and opportunity. I don't have many things in my life that I can honestly say have provided all of these things.
Why the sudden lightblub moment? Who knows? It's just something that was placed on my heart today and I prayed about it and decided it was worth the follow through. It's something I've thought about and never followed through on. It's a commitment, but a great one.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because I believe that there's someone reading who needs this message as much as I did(do). To stop being selfish and to start giving. To have the ability is a blessing. Not everyone can. I am thankful to God for giving me the ability and for making me look at my situation honestly. A week ago I would have told you that I couldn't afford the money or the time or wasn't ready or didn't want to.... God has a funny way of knocking you upside the head sometimes. I know He's giggled at my decisions on more than one occasion. Probably even more than once today! The thing is... I believe God when He says He will provide when I give. A week ago I wasn't quite sure. I believe Him when He says rely on me, that I can, and when He says have peace in me, that I will have peace.
There are always obstacles and there are always hard times but those are the times to lean closer, rely more, and have peace with Him.
For the skeptics.. no I didn't just get back from a Seminar, nor did I hear or read anything about this subject. It was simply laid on my heart today. Actually it was when I was counting my $3 in tips. And then again tonight. He's knocking, better answer. That's as simple as it was for me. My prayer is that my challenge for myself will bless someone else. That's all.
Have a great Tuesday! :)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
yay for updates!
I realized I hadn't updated in a while so I figured I could get on that. Nothing too exciting though so don't hold your breath. Ok, hold your breath.
So what I've been up to... working less and less hours at work and considering a position I was notified of that offers better pay, more structure, more talent and less bullshit. So I've heard anyway.
I'm also volunteering a LOT. I'm a greeter and an usher at church on different weekends. It's so much fun I can hardly stand it. Making people smile has got to be the BEST job ever. I'm also going in on Monday to get my TB test and my tour of a rest home for my next volunteering endeavor... BINGO with old folks. Anyone who knows me knows how perfect this is. It's going to be a blast no matter what you say. BINGO rocks. If you don't like it that means you've never gotten a BINGO and I'm sorry for you. Ha! Seriously. Moving on... I'm also a head coach for a Girls on the Run team. We start in March. I have a great assistant who also happens to be my friend. We are looking forward to having the best GOTR team this year. We're both overly energetic so this is going to be just a ton of fun. We had training on Friday and learned all these cute little cheers... like the lawnmower, the pencil sharpener, and my personal favorite... the can opener. We have a 5K in May so for those of you who would like to come support us, throw it on your To Do list and come cheer for us!! My other volunteering thing that really doesn't take much time at all is a March of Dimes committee. My nephew was born 2 months premature and I have gotten really involved in this program. I love their values and I love the fact that they are saving babies lives. I will be starting a fundrasier soon so keep your eyes peeled for that if you're interested in helping me raise money for the walk and saving more and more babies!!
My other project as of late is convincing the public that I am not on the market. I'm really truly looking only for myself right now... no one else. Sometimes I have to convince myself but that's only because I get lonely. I can be honest and admit that. It's been great though. Watching girlie movies, playing with Hercules (who has a new fascination with biting his toe nails... weirdo), reading great books, and most importantly letting God come into my life again and fill me up. Last night I was lying in bed and Hercules jumps up and puts his head on my tummy. I felt so lonely. So I started to pray and I asked God to please move my self discovery along so I could want to feel for someone else again. I told Him I felt lonely. And INSTANTLY there was a voice saying... But I'm here. And Hercules sighed and I realized that I'm not really alone. I have 2 fantastic attention starved cats that are constantly rubbing up against one leg or another, a great dog serving as my protector, and God eternal. For now, this is how it's supposed to be.
Yeah, I miss hugs and kisses. I miss cuddling and holding hands. I miss the inside jokes and the comfortable silences. I miss loving someone.
But the kind of man that I want will be better off when I can get through this and come out on top. I will love him more, hug him more, and let him into my heart without him having to climb over a wall. For now, I'm a friends only Myspace. Serious relationships need not apply.
I'm also working on my health. Physically, emotionally and spritually. I have an awesome small group with a bunch of girls who are so completely different and yet we fit together perfectly. We're studying an awesome book called Believing God by Beth Moore. If you are interested in digging in and getting deep and passionate about your faith... this is an excellent study. Throughout the study there is a fair amount of reflection where you are asked to find the blessings hidden in your past. I have found so many and have made so much peace with my childhood and with myself and with God. My anger towards Him has softened and we're now walking together again. I highly recommend this book if this is the kind of thing you are searching for.
Girls on the Run has inspired me to start running again which is so fantastic. I had let it go last year for lots of reasons, one being injury, another being depression. I was starting to get really great at it and I just let it go. It's also made me really think and choose what I do with my body. I don't drink caffeine anymore which has been surprisingly energizing. I quit eating fast food just because it was easier on the way home and starting eating healthier more energy inducing foods like carrots, oranges, apples, and sandwiches. Instead of tacos and fries. I was starting to hate looking in the mirror which didn't help anything, especially my business. I'm working on the stressful days. It's so easy to go for a cigarette because it's not food (which I'm trying to stay away from) and I'm not to the point yet where exercise releases stress. I'll get there though and since I'm not a daily smoker which I think is revolting, I'll be ok. I don't even like to smoke as it is but it DOES relieve stress. Whatever. Double-edged sword.
As far as my business goes, moving to Holland was definitely a smart move. In the past 2 months I have made more contacts that I did all of last year. Solid contacts/customers. My next job is to work on my portfolio which requires models, which requires me going out in public and talking to strangers, which requires confidence. Can I do it? Yes. Will I do it? Let's hope so!
I've also been hanging out with my friends a lot lately and making new ones. Always a good idea to increase your circle of influence with positive people.
Beyond that, it's mostly family time. Hanging out and growing closer with my sister and my nephew, and my brother in law too I suppose. Talking to my mom for long spans of time. Sleeping in on Sundays. :)
So what I've been up to... working less and less hours at work and considering a position I was notified of that offers better pay, more structure, more talent and less bullshit. So I've heard anyway.
I'm also volunteering a LOT. I'm a greeter and an usher at church on different weekends. It's so much fun I can hardly stand it. Making people smile has got to be the BEST job ever. I'm also going in on Monday to get my TB test and my tour of a rest home for my next volunteering endeavor... BINGO with old folks. Anyone who knows me knows how perfect this is. It's going to be a blast no matter what you say. BINGO rocks. If you don't like it that means you've never gotten a BINGO and I'm sorry for you. Ha! Seriously. Moving on... I'm also a head coach for a Girls on the Run team. We start in March. I have a great assistant who also happens to be my friend. We are looking forward to having the best GOTR team this year. We're both overly energetic so this is going to be just a ton of fun. We had training on Friday and learned all these cute little cheers... like the lawnmower, the pencil sharpener, and my personal favorite... the can opener. We have a 5K in May so for those of you who would like to come support us, throw it on your To Do list and come cheer for us!! My other volunteering thing that really doesn't take much time at all is a March of Dimes committee. My nephew was born 2 months premature and I have gotten really involved in this program. I love their values and I love the fact that they are saving babies lives. I will be starting a fundrasier soon so keep your eyes peeled for that if you're interested in helping me raise money for the walk and saving more and more babies!!
My other project as of late is convincing the public that I am not on the market. I'm really truly looking only for myself right now... no one else. Sometimes I have to convince myself but that's only because I get lonely. I can be honest and admit that. It's been great though. Watching girlie movies, playing with Hercules (who has a new fascination with biting his toe nails... weirdo), reading great books, and most importantly letting God come into my life again and fill me up. Last night I was lying in bed and Hercules jumps up and puts his head on my tummy. I felt so lonely. So I started to pray and I asked God to please move my self discovery along so I could want to feel for someone else again. I told Him I felt lonely. And INSTANTLY there was a voice saying... But I'm here. And Hercules sighed and I realized that I'm not really alone. I have 2 fantastic attention starved cats that are constantly rubbing up against one leg or another, a great dog serving as my protector, and God eternal. For now, this is how it's supposed to be.
Yeah, I miss hugs and kisses. I miss cuddling and holding hands. I miss the inside jokes and the comfortable silences. I miss loving someone.
But the kind of man that I want will be better off when I can get through this and come out on top. I will love him more, hug him more, and let him into my heart without him having to climb over a wall. For now, I'm a friends only Myspace. Serious relationships need not apply.
I'm also working on my health. Physically, emotionally and spritually. I have an awesome small group with a bunch of girls who are so completely different and yet we fit together perfectly. We're studying an awesome book called Believing God by Beth Moore. If you are interested in digging in and getting deep and passionate about your faith... this is an excellent study. Throughout the study there is a fair amount of reflection where you are asked to find the blessings hidden in your past. I have found so many and have made so much peace with my childhood and with myself and with God. My anger towards Him has softened and we're now walking together again. I highly recommend this book if this is the kind of thing you are searching for.
Girls on the Run has inspired me to start running again which is so fantastic. I had let it go last year for lots of reasons, one being injury, another being depression. I was starting to get really great at it and I just let it go. It's also made me really think and choose what I do with my body. I don't drink caffeine anymore which has been surprisingly energizing. I quit eating fast food just because it was easier on the way home and starting eating healthier more energy inducing foods like carrots, oranges, apples, and sandwiches. Instead of tacos and fries. I was starting to hate looking in the mirror which didn't help anything, especially my business. I'm working on the stressful days. It's so easy to go for a cigarette because it's not food (which I'm trying to stay away from) and I'm not to the point yet where exercise releases stress. I'll get there though and since I'm not a daily smoker which I think is revolting, I'll be ok. I don't even like to smoke as it is but it DOES relieve stress. Whatever. Double-edged sword.
As far as my business goes, moving to Holland was definitely a smart move. In the past 2 months I have made more contacts that I did all of last year. Solid contacts/customers. My next job is to work on my portfolio which requires models, which requires me going out in public and talking to strangers, which requires confidence. Can I do it? Yes. Will I do it? Let's hope so!
I've also been hanging out with my friends a lot lately and making new ones. Always a good idea to increase your circle of influence with positive people.
Beyond that, it's mostly family time. Hanging out and growing closer with my sister and my nephew, and my brother in law too I suppose. Talking to my mom for long spans of time. Sleeping in on Sundays. :)
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