Thursday, January 25, 2007

love but hate

I have to go grocery shopping today. On my new dumb budget. Ok, here it is. I love grocery shopping. It's always an adventure. I love getting a cart because mine is ALWAYS broken. It either veers right or left, maybe one of the wheels gets stuck, or it just makes a rockin' noise. I love walking through the produce section because people always look at me funny when I pick something up and put it back. I have zero etiquette when it comes to that. I'm not buying a nasty apple just because I touched it. I don't care. It'll make you wash your stupid food before you eat it (and you should anyway). You know the farmer picked his nose and the produce guy at the store is 16 and Lord knows where his hands have been. (I'm betting on no hot water.) I also love how there are 17 different kinds of ketchup, but it's hard to find 4 rolls of toilet paper. You may only buy 24 triple rolls.

I love how a lady will park her giant ass cart (I realize it's not ACTUALLY bigger than my own) in the middle of the aisle and then glare at you when you gently move it over so you can get past. You'd think it would be okay with her since she's at the OTHER end of the aisle. I love that I always forget to get dog food and then have to figure out a place for the 50lb. bag among the eggs, tomatoes, and glass jars of whatnot. I love looking for an ingredient that SHOULD be in the spice aisle but find it in the canned foods. I love when I spontaneously buy something not on my list.

My absolute favorite thing about the grocery store though has GOT to be checking out. It's the highlight of my bi-week. As an American I am always in a hurry even when I'm not, so I always look for the shortest aisle. A caution for Americans actually in a hurry. There's a reason there's only one person in this lane. It will be one of these three:

A) It's a new cashier. (New cashiers... can't find the code for bananas, don't know how to redeem a gift certificate, and bag slow.)

B) The person wanted their groceries to be rung up in 3 separate transactions, they bought the wrong juice, or forgot the bread. (I am NOT making fun of WIC people, don't even try it. I'm just making a factual observation.)

or (and this is my personal fave)

C) Manager register 3!! (BTW, said manager is either on a break, cleaning up glass and honey in aisle 80, or "didn't hear the call".)

I always get the short aisle. And I always stand in line for 20 minutes without fail. A theory is that I could go grocery shopping 5 times and get 12 items each time and check out in the self checkout lane, but guess who's in the self checkout? Yeah. Foreigners... who can't read English. Or old people, who can't figure out that you have to put the ITEM IN THE BAG before scanning the next item.

Another of my favorite things about checking out...

I am anal about which food goes in which bag with which other food. I specifically place my food in such an order that it will end up this way when I get home for ease of stocking. However, not once have I figured out how the frozen stuff ends up with a cereal box in it. What. the. F. Then comes the bill...

I suck at food budgets. I do. Because I always think of something I want to make for the week and then I turn around and go searching through the aisles again. Then I get home and realize I forgot the chicken for it. Which then leads to another cart, another glare, another cashier and another messed up bag. All because I suck at food budgets. I get so excited when I finally get up to the cashier and slide my card that I forget about the amount that was just up on the screen. My receipt says, "Congratulations! You saved $0.09!!" with a big red circle around it like I'm awesome, so I must be. Then I get home and shudder.

But I do like grocery shopping. The shopping part. I like looking at food. Smelling produce, finding the squarest box, getting the last _____. It's fun! Especially when the aisle hog wanted it.

Well, off I go. With a list. *boo* And a budget. *hiss*

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