Saturday, January 20, 2007

yay for updates!

I realized I hadn't updated in a while so I figured I could get on that. Nothing too exciting though so don't hold your breath. Ok, hold your breath.

So what I've been up to... working less and less hours at work and considering a position I was notified of that offers better pay, more structure, more talent and less bullshit. So I've heard anyway.

I'm also volunteering a LOT. I'm a greeter and an usher at church on different weekends. It's so much fun I can hardly stand it. Making people smile has got to be the BEST job ever. I'm also going in on Monday to get my TB test and my tour of a rest home for my next volunteering endeavor... BINGO with old folks. Anyone who knows me knows how perfect this is. It's going to be a blast no matter what you say. BINGO rocks. If you don't like it that means you've never gotten a BINGO and I'm sorry for you. Ha! Seriously. Moving on... I'm also a head coach for a Girls on the Run team. We start in March. I have a great assistant who also happens to be my friend. We are looking forward to having the best GOTR team this year. We're both overly energetic so this is going to be just a ton of fun. We had training on Friday and learned all these cute little cheers... like the lawnmower, the pencil sharpener, and my personal favorite... the can opener. We have a 5K in May so for those of you who would like to come support us, throw it on your To Do list and come cheer for us!! My other volunteering thing that really doesn't take much time at all is a March of Dimes committee. My nephew was born 2 months premature and I have gotten really involved in this program. I love their values and I love the fact that they are saving babies lives. I will be starting a fundrasier soon so keep your eyes peeled for that if you're interested in helping me raise money for the walk and saving more and more babies!!

My other project as of late is convincing the public that I am not on the market. I'm really truly looking only for myself right now... no one else. Sometimes I have to convince myself but that's only because I get lonely. I can be honest and admit that. It's been great though. Watching girlie movies, playing with Hercules (who has a new fascination with biting his toe nails... weirdo), reading great books, and most importantly letting God come into my life again and fill me up. Last night I was lying in bed and Hercules jumps up and puts his head on my tummy. I felt so lonely. So I started to pray and I asked God to please move my self discovery along so I could want to feel for someone else again. I told Him I felt lonely. And INSTANTLY there was a voice saying... But I'm here. And Hercules sighed and I realized that I'm not really alone. I have 2 fantastic attention starved cats that are constantly rubbing up against one leg or another, a great dog serving as my protector, and God eternal. For now, this is how it's supposed to be.

Yeah, I miss hugs and kisses. I miss cuddling and holding hands. I miss the inside jokes and the comfortable silences. I miss loving someone.

But the kind of man that I want will be better off when I can get through this and come out on top. I will love him more, hug him more, and let him into my heart without him having to climb over a wall. For now, I'm a friends only Myspace. Serious relationships need not apply.

I'm also working on my health. Physically, emotionally and spritually. I have an awesome small group with a bunch of girls who are so completely different and yet we fit together perfectly. We're studying an awesome book called Believing God by Beth Moore. If you are interested in digging in and getting deep and passionate about your faith... this is an excellent study. Throughout the study there is a fair amount of reflection where you are asked to find the blessings hidden in your past. I have found so many and have made so much peace with my childhood and with myself and with God. My anger towards Him has softened and we're now walking together again. I highly recommend this book if this is the kind of thing you are searching for.

Girls on the Run has inspired me to start running again which is so fantastic. I had let it go last year for lots of reasons, one being injury, another being depression. I was starting to get really great at it and I just let it go. It's also made me really think and choose what I do with my body. I don't drink caffeine anymore which has been surprisingly energizing. I quit eating fast food just because it was easier on the way home and starting eating healthier more energy inducing foods like carrots, oranges, apples, and sandwiches. Instead of tacos and fries. I was starting to hate looking in the mirror which didn't help anything, especially my business. I'm working on the stressful days. It's so easy to go for a cigarette because it's not food (which I'm trying to stay away from) and I'm not to the point yet where exercise releases stress. I'll get there though and since I'm not a daily smoker which I think is revolting, I'll be ok. I don't even like to smoke as it is but it DOES relieve stress. Whatever. Double-edged sword.

As far as my business goes, moving to Holland was definitely a smart move. In the past 2 months I have made more contacts that I did all of last year. Solid contacts/customers. My next job is to work on my portfolio which requires models, which requires me going out in public and talking to strangers, which requires confidence. Can I do it? Yes. Will I do it? Let's hope so!

I've also been hanging out with my friends a lot lately and making new ones. Always a good idea to increase your circle of influence with positive people.

Beyond that, it's mostly family time. Hanging out and growing closer with my sister and my nephew, and my brother in law too I suppose. Talking to my mom for long spans of time. Sleeping in on Sundays. :)

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