we all have bad days. and i don't mean the "oh man! i broke a nail!" days. i mean the days where you peak out from under the warm safe covers of your slumber with one eye and go... "yeah, forget this." the days where you wake up to rain sloshing on your window, an eighth of a tank of gas, and your cellphone is turned off. the days where you realize the ratio of coffee to water is just not going to cut it. i recently had one of THOSE days. i was to be at work and the gas in my car was not going to suffice. my bank account was giggling at me with a pointed finger. and the only way to contact my boss was through a facebook message. yes, it was a bad day.
the beautiful thing about a bad day though... calories don't count. you can eat whatever you want and your favorite jeans will still fit the next day! comfort food is different for everyone. some people prefer a box of dove bars. others prefer mom's cooking or their favorite brand of super sized fast food. nonetheless, we all have a food that on any other day is just crap, but on *this* day.... this day it's our mental medicine. me? i prefer mexican. chips and cheese, chips and salsa, enchiladas, chimichangas, nachos... come on down!
roomie knows all too well that on my bad days, showing up with a bag of hot smelly mexican will perk me up faster than a pot of strong coffee. even better... driving me over to my favorite mexican restaurant in knoxville... mexico lindo! it's a small restaurant located off of cedar bluff road right next to aaron's. we walk in, choose a booth of our choice (which is usually in the back near the giant tv) and within seconds are greeted by our favorite waitress in town. she's absolutely lovely. we always get our food hot, on time, and most importantly... with a sweet smile.
so we arrived with roomie's sister in tow. we took our seats, sister on the inside because she likes the claustrophobia of it all, roomie across from me, and i got the coat check side of the booth. which in girl terms basically means, i get to hold the purses. we were greeted by our waitress who fell right out of the happy waitress tree. she took our drink order and returned with the FREE chips and homemade salsa we all crave bringing extra lemons for her resident electrolyte lovers. we ordered queso dip to share for the chips because what's a bad day without cheese? i ordered the chicken chimichangas. extra guacamole salad. no frijoles por favor. (which in english means no beans please -or- hold the flatulence thanks.) it seemed that this would heal the hurt and give me enough energy to deal with the onslaught of christmas shoppers i was no doubt going to encounter in just a couple of short hours. our food arrived complete with extra condiments in record(ish) time and i was already vacuuming in crispy tortilla and perfectly shredded and seasoned chicken topped with sour cream and lettuce before she could say "enjoy!"
mexico lindo is known for their tamales. homemade tamales. did i mention the all you can eat mondays? it's a whopping $8.99. i spend more at taco bell when i'm looking for an all i can eat experience, so to say that this is a deal would be cheating them out of advertisement. this place is not for the gastrointestinally weak. the portions are large, the prices are amazing, and you will need a to go box (unless you're me and can eat a small cow on bad days). they have all the comforts of mexican on the menu... everything from their homemade tamales to your basic taco. you name it, they have it, they make it well, and their prices are unreal for the amount of food that arrives for your munching!
we leave mexico lindo with smiles on our faces and a rice baby cooking in my belly. (i love rice, it doesn't love me back but i eat it anyway because it's SO good, especially from mexico lindo.) our bank accounts are pleased with us and all is well and wonderful again. bad day what?
moral of the story... if your bad day needs mexican like mine does, mexico lindo will heal your heart and fill your belly with a price tag your bank account will love. call in a to go order at (865) 692-9515 or drive yourself over to 462 N Cedar Bluff Rd, Knoxville, TN 37923. feliz de comer!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
ah... if only...
one of my favorite poems.... i share with you.
THE HANGING OF THE CRANE
I
The lights are out, and gone are all the guests
That thronging came with merriment and jests
To celebrate the Hanging of the Crane
In the new house,--into the night are gone;
But still the fire upon the hearth burns on,
And I alone remain.
O fortunate, O happy day,
When a new household finds its place
Among the myriad homes of earth,
Like a new star just sprung to birth,
And rolled on its harmonious way
Into the boundless realms of space!
So said the guests in speech and song,
As in the chimney, burning bright,
We hung the iron crane to-night,
And merry was the feast and long.
II
And now I sit and muse on what may be,
And in my vision see, or seem to see,
Through floating vapors interfused with light,
Shapes indeterminate, that gleam and fade,
As shadows passing into deeper shade
Sink and elude the sight.
For two alone, there in the hall,
As spread the table round and small;
Upon the polished silver shine
The evening lamps, but, more divine,
The light of love shines over all;
Of love, that says not mine and thine,
But ours, for ours is thine and mine.
They want no guests, to come between
Their tender glances like a screen,
And tell them tales of land and sea,
And whatsoever may betide
The great, forgotten world outside;
They want no guests; they needs must be
Each other's own best company.
III
The picture fades; as at a village fair
A showman's views, dissolving into air,
Again appear transfigured on the screen,
So in my fancy this; and now once more,
In part transfigured, through the open door
Appears the selfsame scene.
Seated, I see the two again,
But not alone; they entertain
A little angel unaware,
With face as round as is the moon;
A royal guest with flaxen hair,
Who, throned upon his lofty chair,
Drums on the table with his spoon,
Then drops it careless on the floor,
To grasp at things unseen before.
Are these celestial manners? these
The ways that win, the arts that please?
Ah yes; consider well the guest,
And whatsoe'er he does seems best;
He ruleth by the right divine
Of helplessness, so lately born
In purple chambers of the morn,
As sovereign over thee and thine.
He speaketh not; and yet there lies
A conversation in his eyes;
The golden silence of the Greek,
The gravest wisdom of the wise,
Not spoken in language, but in looks
More legible than printed books,
As if he could but would not speak.
And now, O monarch absolute,
Thy power is put to proof; for, lo!
Resistless, fathomless, and slow,
The nurse comes rustling like the sea,
And pushes back thy chair and thee,
And so good night to King Canute.
IV
As one who walking in a forest sees
A lovely landscape through the parted frees,
Then sees it not, for boughs that intervene
Or as we see the moon sometimes revealed
Through drifting clouds, and then again concealed,
So I behold the scene.
There are two guests at table now;
The king, deposed and older grown,
No longer occupies the throne,--
The crown is on his sister's brow;
A Princess from the Fairy Isles,
The very pattern girl of girls.
All covered and embowered in curls,
Rose-tinted from the Isle of Flowers,
And sailing with soft, silken sails
From far-off Dreamland into ours.
Above their bowls with rims of blue
Four azure eyes of deeper hue
Are looking, dreamy with delight;
Limpid as planets that emerge
Above the ocean's rounded verge,
Soft-shining through the summer night.
Steadfast they gaze, yet nothing see
Beyond the horizon of their bowls;
Nor care they for the world that rolls
With all its freight of troubled souls
Into the days that are to be.
V
Again the tossing boughs shut out the scene,
Again the drifting vapors intervene,
And the moon's pallid disk is hidden quite;
And now I see the table wider grown,
As round a pebble into water thrown
Dilates a ring of light.
I see the table wider grown,
I see it garlanded with guests,
As if fair Ariadne's Crown
Out of the sky had fallen down;
Maidens within whose tender breasts
A thousand restless hopes and fears,
Forth reaching to the coming years,
Flutter awhile, then quiet lie
Like timid birds that fain would fly,
But do not dare to leave their nests;--
And youths, who in their strength elate
Challenge the van and front of fate,
Eager as champions to be
In the divine knight-errantry
Of youth, that travels sea and land
Seeking adventures, or pursues,
Through cities, and through solitudes
Frequented by the lyric Muse,
The phantom with the beckoning hand,
That still allures and still eludes.
O sweet illusions of the brain!
O sudden thrills of fire and frost!
The world is bright while ye remain,
And dark and dead when ye are lost!
VI
The meadow-brook, that seemeth to stand still,
Quickens its current as it nears the mill;
And so the stream of Time that lingereth
In level places, and so dull appears,
Runs with a swifter current as it nears
The gloomy mills of Death.
And now, like the magician's scroll,
That in the owner's keeping shrinks
With every wish he speaks or thinks,
Till the last wish consumes the whole,
The table dwindles, and again
I see the two alone remain.
The crown of stars is broken in parts;
Its jewels, brighter than the day,
Have one by one been stolen away
To shine in other homes and hearts.
One is a wanderer now afar
In Ceylon or in Zanzibar,
Or sunny regions of Cathay;
And one is in the boisterous camp
Mid clink of arms and horses' tramp,
And battle's terrible array.
I see the patient mother read,
With aching heart, of wrecks that float
Disabled on those seas remote,
Or of some great heroic deed
On battle-fie1ds where thousands bleed
To lift one hero into fame.
Anxious she bends her graceful head
Above these chronicles of pain,
And trembles with a secret dread
Lest there among the drowned or slain
She find the one beloved name.
VII
After a day of cloud and wind and rain
Sometimes the setting sun breaks out again,
And touching all the darksome woods with light,
Smiles on the fields, until they laugh and sing,
Then like a ruby from the horizon's ring
Drops down into the night.
What see I now? The night is fair,
The storm of grief, the clouds of care,
The wind, the rain, have passed away;
The lamps are lit, the fires burn bright,
The house is full of life and light:
It is the Golden Wedding day.
The guests come thronging in once more,
Quick footsteps sound along the floor,
The trooping children crowd the stair,
And in and out and everywhere
Flashes along the corridor
The sunshine of their golden hair.
On the round table in the hall
Another Ariadne's Crown
Out of the sky hath fallen down;
More than one Monarch of the Moon
Is drumming with his silver spoon;
The light of love shines over all.
O fortunate, O happy day!
The people sing, the people say.
The ancient bridegroom and the bride,
Smiling contented and serene
Upon the blithe, bewildering scene,
Behold, well pleased, on every side
Their forms and features multiplied,
As the reflection of a light
Between two burnished mirrors gleams,
Or lamps upon a bridge at night
Stretch on and on before the sight,
Till the long vista endless seems.
Content of THE HANGING OF THE CRANE [Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem collection: Birds of Passage]
Friday, December 12, 2008
if you can't take the heat...
hey! come to our house! because we don't HAVE ANY!!!!
this has been an eventful if not emotionally destroying week.
bank account neg. fuck you paycheck. rent. $1.85 left in bank account. apparently i miscalculated in a previous post. cellphone shut down like me with a previous courter. (or was he?) work = poopy. hercules has a strange ouchie on the side of his face that he refuses to leave alone. and now i am slowly turning blue.
our landlord was kind enough to bring us space heaters. however... running space heaters causes breakers to blow and we lost power last night. a lot of it. kind of all of it. teresa showered with candles. her room regained the only power in the house and so the bed was rearranged, ONE space heater was plugged in and me and my brood slept in a chair. a chair with an ottoman. but a chair, nonetheless.
we awoke this morning to our house lit up like a christmas tree after an unfriendly call to the landlord summoned him to come this morning and fix our unforgivable power outage.
oh, started a new job today. that makes three for those counting and ONE on the way! i'm giving birth to my energy but i am not getting the cooing and cute pictures back. what's up with that shit? so, i am home now, my lower back feels like i could fry an egg on it and lo and behold.... we are still heatless. i am afraid to turn on the space heaters. i'm not really into tempting the power to go off. especially since slammy and friends are gone for the evening. (see door slamming post)
the new job is interesting. the training contains most of the "figure it out yourself" handbook. my boss wants to date me even though he's about a foot and a half shorter, speaks shitty english, and ages me by about 30 years. he's nice though. (as if that makes up for the shitty english) it's a casual environment that is basically stress free except when someone comes in whining or screaming. that's always an uplifting moment to my day. the food is good and FREE when we're working. the boss has a strange addiction to ice cream so there are always frozen milky delights. i get to drive, which is sometimes my favorite thing in the world. people here in knoxville have never driven before in their lives though so it's kind of like dodging bullets. also, after doing some quick math, by my calculations my next day off is in 13 days. yeah, christmas. 2 days of presents, eating, hugging family members, and driving. then it's fuck my life in the ass again for who knows how long.
there is a silver lining. i thought i would save it for the end. i came home with a free medium pizza, cigarettes and a little extra money to save for the cellphone resurrection. (yeah i started again, bite me with your back teeth) also, i am going to start baking for my new job. if he likes my treats, i will officially be doing all of the desserts for his restaurant(s). did i mention there are 3 locations? i'm sure this means more money since i am not volunteering to be a pro-bono betty fucking crocker here. that means, my foot is in the knoxville door. this could be a huge huge huge HUGE break for me.
in other (good) news... oprah admitted she is fat and is finally going to stop whining about her giant arms and accept that age = weight. eat up girfriend! i'm almost done with twilight, so i can move on to the other books that i don't know what happens in since the movie has ruined this one for me. we're going to have a ginormous full moon on friday. (maybe the moon can heat up our house?) stocks are up. grandma sent DATE BALLS!!! (my fave christmas cookie evar!!!) and lots of gummy worms. it was like a box of kallay's top junk. (wish i could call her and thank her...) elf yourself is back for another merry season of cutting and pasting your favorite family members' faces on dancing elfen bodies. and the best thing...
i might be able to afford giftmas after all. ring the bells y'all.
this has been an eventful if not emotionally destroying week.
bank account neg. fuck you paycheck. rent. $1.85 left in bank account. apparently i miscalculated in a previous post. cellphone shut down like me with a previous courter. (or was he?) work = poopy. hercules has a strange ouchie on the side of his face that he refuses to leave alone. and now i am slowly turning blue.
our landlord was kind enough to bring us space heaters. however... running space heaters causes breakers to blow and we lost power last night. a lot of it. kind of all of it. teresa showered with candles. her room regained the only power in the house and so the bed was rearranged, ONE space heater was plugged in and me and my brood slept in a chair. a chair with an ottoman. but a chair, nonetheless.
we awoke this morning to our house lit up like a christmas tree after an unfriendly call to the landlord summoned him to come this morning and fix our unforgivable power outage.
oh, started a new job today. that makes three for those counting and ONE on the way! i'm giving birth to my energy but i am not getting the cooing and cute pictures back. what's up with that shit? so, i am home now, my lower back feels like i could fry an egg on it and lo and behold.... we are still heatless. i am afraid to turn on the space heaters. i'm not really into tempting the power to go off. especially since slammy and friends are gone for the evening. (see door slamming post)
the new job is interesting. the training contains most of the "figure it out yourself" handbook. my boss wants to date me even though he's about a foot and a half shorter, speaks shitty english, and ages me by about 30 years. he's nice though. (as if that makes up for the shitty english) it's a casual environment that is basically stress free except when someone comes in whining or screaming. that's always an uplifting moment to my day. the food is good and FREE when we're working. the boss has a strange addiction to ice cream so there are always frozen milky delights. i get to drive, which is sometimes my favorite thing in the world. people here in knoxville have never driven before in their lives though so it's kind of like dodging bullets. also, after doing some quick math, by my calculations my next day off is in 13 days. yeah, christmas. 2 days of presents, eating, hugging family members, and driving. then it's fuck my life in the ass again for who knows how long.
there is a silver lining. i thought i would save it for the end. i came home with a free medium pizza, cigarettes and a little extra money to save for the cellphone resurrection. (yeah i started again, bite me with your back teeth) also, i am going to start baking for my new job. if he likes my treats, i will officially be doing all of the desserts for his restaurant(s). did i mention there are 3 locations? i'm sure this means more money since i am not volunteering to be a pro-bono betty fucking crocker here. that means, my foot is in the knoxville door. this could be a huge huge huge HUGE break for me.
in other (good) news... oprah admitted she is fat and is finally going to stop whining about her giant arms and accept that age = weight. eat up girfriend! i'm almost done with twilight, so i can move on to the other books that i don't know what happens in since the movie has ruined this one for me. we're going to have a ginormous full moon on friday. (maybe the moon can heat up our house?) stocks are up. grandma sent DATE BALLS!!! (my fave christmas cookie evar!!!) and lots of gummy worms. it was like a box of kallay's top junk. (wish i could call her and thank her...) elf yourself is back for another merry season of cutting and pasting your favorite family members' faces on dancing elfen bodies. and the best thing...
i might be able to afford giftmas after all. ring the bells y'all.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Merry Giftmas!
I wanna give.
I've found great gifts for my friends and family. I've contemplated sending emails to them saying... if I had money this is what I would have gotten you for Christmas... or Giftmas rather. This year has turned into a holiday of who is going to be able to buy Christmas presents and who is not. I'm in the not category as of today.
In order to send Christmas cards you also need stamps. Stamps are what... $5 these days? For 3? Groovy! No Christmas cards for people either. I have the cards, plenty of ink, but no stamps, no money for stamps, and no money for Giftmas in general.
I just really love giving presents. Don't get me wrong, I like getting presents just as much as the next person. But there is some kind of fulfilling pleasure that I get out of shopping for my friends and family and finding the perfect gift. Once upon a time I had enough money that I could send Christmas cards, buy decorations, buy amazing gifts, wrap them like Martha and still have enough to bake cookies, travel home, and still have a savings account. I'm now reduced to wishing I could buy Kerry this awesome mug I found online or Teresa this gorgeous outfit complete with jewelry that I saw. I mean, talk about torture! I could fill a cart with things I have found for my nephew and niece. Not sure how I would get it all home, but who cares! I'd find a way! Move over Hercules!
Do you ever check your bank account with one eye open hoping that the financial fairy dropped some mad money in your account? I've been doing it everyday. And everyday my bank account laughs at me. Kind of like... "hahahahaha ROFLMAO... you thought.... hahaha... there would be.... hahahahahaha money in here!??? hahahahahaha! you fool."
my bank account is a meanie.
I've found great gifts for my friends and family. I've contemplated sending emails to them saying... if I had money this is what I would have gotten you for Christmas... or Giftmas rather. This year has turned into a holiday of who is going to be able to buy Christmas presents and who is not. I'm in the not category as of today.
In order to send Christmas cards you also need stamps. Stamps are what... $5 these days? For 3? Groovy! No Christmas cards for people either. I have the cards, plenty of ink, but no stamps, no money for stamps, and no money for Giftmas in general.
I just really love giving presents. Don't get me wrong, I like getting presents just as much as the next person. But there is some kind of fulfilling pleasure that I get out of shopping for my friends and family and finding the perfect gift. Once upon a time I had enough money that I could send Christmas cards, buy decorations, buy amazing gifts, wrap them like Martha and still have enough to bake cookies, travel home, and still have a savings account. I'm now reduced to wishing I could buy Kerry this awesome mug I found online or Teresa this gorgeous outfit complete with jewelry that I saw. I mean, talk about torture! I could fill a cart with things I have found for my nephew and niece. Not sure how I would get it all home, but who cares! I'd find a way! Move over Hercules!
Do you ever check your bank account with one eye open hoping that the financial fairy dropped some mad money in your account? I've been doing it everyday. And everyday my bank account laughs at me. Kind of like... "hahahahaha ROFLMAO... you thought.... hahaha... there would be.... hahahahahaha money in here!??? hahahahahaha! you fool."
my bank account is a meanie.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
oh bite me, money!
if i ever wanted to start smoking again, it would be today. today, today. i'm one of those annoying people that thinks too much when they have either too much time on their hands or too many issues to deal with. i'm a thinker by nature, thanks Gawd. i'm also pretty damn good at problem solving though once i get the solution i am looking for. not great at this in the man department but ya know, this post isn't about men. it's about my kitchen.
kitchen wha!?
yeah.
the cooking place.
the food storage area.
the shoebox of white and tan previously mint green and cream.
myyyyy kitchen.
we recently painted the kitchen to resemble more of a 2000s look, rather than a late 70s, what the hell where they thinking, look. the cupboards are now shiny white rather than minty green and the walls are a nice calm tan color transformed from the scary dirty creamy white color. the counter top is still freakishly green and now has white and tan polka dots but we'll tackle that project soon. my problem is not with how the kitchen looks. because it's actually coming along quite nicely. my problem is that when i walk into the kitchen i can feel my maturity drop a few points.
when i get my kitchen stuff from home this will change but for now the under carriage looks kind of like this. big plastic bowl with no lid. tupperware thrown about, lids are also optional. two ginormous saute pans... lids? what lids? our cookie sheet (that btw, we store in our oven) serves as a lid for our pans sans lids. and then we have one nice pot with a lid we use for grey's night also known as kraft macaroni and cheese night. which brings me to our cupboards.
oh lord, if my grandmother ever saw this... our cupboards resemble that of a frat boy's room combined with old mother hubbard's cupboard. why you ask? oh... let me share the disaster. we have:
ramen noodles
kraft macaroni and cheese SPIRALS (because what epi of GA is complete without it!?)
chef boy ardee (no, i don't know how to spell his name or beefaroni because the stuff makes me gag... roomie loves it)
microwave poppable corn
cans of campbell's soup
and a small colony of canned goods featuring spiced apples and white beans that neither of us will eat
and tea. lots of fucking tea. apple tea, orange tea, aveda tea, peppermint tea, just a lot of damned tea. we're 21 and 90 all at the same time.
did i mention our envy inducing amount of crystal light?
let's move to our icebox.
and yes it's an icebox. i know this because i'm taller than it is and our freezer could double as a glove box from a car had it been installed in my mazda rather than our icebox.
so... our icebox...
drawer... who the hell knows... no one goes in there... it's probably still stocked with halloween candy and some old ass chicken slices from 50 grocery store trips ago.
bottom shelf... two pitchers of crystal light, beer, 1/4 c. of milk, and a gallery of other refreshments not suitable for late 20 somethings.
middle shelf... inedible leftovers.
top shelf... meet our village of condiments! it's expanded into the door even! we have 17 varieties of hot sauces and ketchups, sour cream, mayo(s)... the roomie likes kraft, i enjoy bringing out the best!, mustard(s)... basically the condiment aisle threw up in our icebox.
we always have coffee, we always have creamer... we'll dig through a change jar for those essentials.
but i am slowly coming to this very sad and very scary revelation that while the rest of our economy is riding along on the recession... our kitchen is quickly becoming the great depression part deux.
finding something to eat is not my favorite when i come home from work and the best i can come up with is either ramen or kraft. with the last package of individual frozen corn. mmm, mmm, good.
if this isn't poor, i don't know what is. my cellphone is off. so if you're trying to get a hold of me... i'm not ignoring you. it's just that i only have $0.68 in my bank account after rent. i have ramen in my cupboard. i have a roomie to whom i owe lots of $$. i have an assload of bills. and a big "fuck you" of a paycheck.
so yeah, i want a cigarette and then i want 19 more.
kitchen wha!?
yeah.
the cooking place.
the food storage area.
the shoebox of white and tan previously mint green and cream.
myyyyy kitchen.
we recently painted the kitchen to resemble more of a 2000s look, rather than a late 70s, what the hell where they thinking, look. the cupboards are now shiny white rather than minty green and the walls are a nice calm tan color transformed from the scary dirty creamy white color. the counter top is still freakishly green and now has white and tan polka dots but we'll tackle that project soon. my problem is not with how the kitchen looks. because it's actually coming along quite nicely. my problem is that when i walk into the kitchen i can feel my maturity drop a few points.
when i get my kitchen stuff from home this will change but for now the under carriage looks kind of like this. big plastic bowl with no lid. tupperware thrown about, lids are also optional. two ginormous saute pans... lids? what lids? our cookie sheet (that btw, we store in our oven) serves as a lid for our pans sans lids. and then we have one nice pot with a lid we use for grey's night also known as kraft macaroni and cheese night. which brings me to our cupboards.
oh lord, if my grandmother ever saw this... our cupboards resemble that of a frat boy's room combined with old mother hubbard's cupboard. why you ask? oh... let me share the disaster. we have:
ramen noodles
kraft macaroni and cheese SPIRALS (because what epi of GA is complete without it!?)
chef boy ardee (no, i don't know how to spell his name or beefaroni because the stuff makes me gag... roomie loves it)
microwave poppable corn
cans of campbell's soup
and a small colony of canned goods featuring spiced apples and white beans that neither of us will eat
and tea. lots of fucking tea. apple tea, orange tea, aveda tea, peppermint tea, just a lot of damned tea. we're 21 and 90 all at the same time.
did i mention our envy inducing amount of crystal light?
let's move to our icebox.
and yes it's an icebox. i know this because i'm taller than it is and our freezer could double as a glove box from a car had it been installed in my mazda rather than our icebox.
so... our icebox...
drawer... who the hell knows... no one goes in there... it's probably still stocked with halloween candy and some old ass chicken slices from 50 grocery store trips ago.
bottom shelf... two pitchers of crystal light, beer, 1/4 c. of milk, and a gallery of other refreshments not suitable for late 20 somethings.
middle shelf... inedible leftovers.
top shelf... meet our village of condiments! it's expanded into the door even! we have 17 varieties of hot sauces and ketchups, sour cream, mayo(s)... the roomie likes kraft, i enjoy bringing out the best!, mustard(s)... basically the condiment aisle threw up in our icebox.
we always have coffee, we always have creamer... we'll dig through a change jar for those essentials.
but i am slowly coming to this very sad and very scary revelation that while the rest of our economy is riding along on the recession... our kitchen is quickly becoming the great depression part deux.
finding something to eat is not my favorite when i come home from work and the best i can come up with is either ramen or kraft. with the last package of individual frozen corn. mmm, mmm, good.
if this isn't poor, i don't know what is. my cellphone is off. so if you're trying to get a hold of me... i'm not ignoring you. it's just that i only have $0.68 in my bank account after rent. i have ramen in my cupboard. i have a roomie to whom i owe lots of $$. i have an assload of bills. and a big "fuck you" of a paycheck.
so yeah, i want a cigarette and then i want 19 more.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
about a run....
my lungs feel like the seven dwarfs went mining.
my legs feel like a fat man sat on them.
and why is it that every time i exercise i always want taco bell when i'm done?
and a nap.
gawd.
but i did it! i ran! for 15 minutes! (shut up!)
by next month i will be running my full 25 again. by my birthday my ass will be smaller and my lungs will be in love with me. maybe they'll even send flowers. with a note! dear person, we are so happy to be breathing campfire-free air again. at first we resisted the heavy breathing regimen you embarked upon but now we really do enjoy the extra fresh air! we love you! sincerely, lungs
see? i have something to look forward to. until then, i will just enjoy the suck-fest and keep on truckin'. there's this hill at the end of my run, my goal is to be able to run up that snotty bitch by my birthday. sort of like a happy birthday hooray! although, the plan is to be in savannah drinking lots and lots of greenish beer that day. but if i do it before i leave i can still count it as a present from myself.
i was only kind of scared while running. the path is in the woods. it's gorgeous and mostly people free. i will take pictures next time i go out there. i have to say... there's this weird little sign on this bridge i ran by. it definitely made my eyes bug out a millimeter or five. then i started to get a little freaked out. looking around me thinking that every squirrel noise was a mass murderer who wanted to rape and stash me in the field somewhere. every bird noise was a crazed man about to jump in front of my path. after a while i came across a mommy dressed in pink with a baby carriage. then i saw a short little old asian lady. and a really old guy with radio headphones that could pass for ear muffs. i felt a little safer after that.
moments later, my running alarm went off and scared the ever livin' out of me. and i reverted back to figuring out how to text 911 to roomie without looking. and "locate my body with the GPS from my phone". that was a little harder. going through the motions of trying to hide my phone in my underwear so my nonexistent attacker wouldn't know i had my phone went sort of like this. (only mentally... i never tried it) my running jacket is reversible so there are zippers on both sides of the pockets. (see, this story is exactly why people like me should run on treadmills) so i was thinking if someone came upon me, i could nonchalantly unzip my left pockets, reach over to the right pocket, unzip it and retrieve the cellular phone. text my stealth message to roomie. slip the phone down my pants into the underwear. (this would only work if the attacker was not planning on rape. if he was, i'd be fucked... i guess literally and figuratively.. anyway...) then i could keep on running. hopefully roomie would understand the importance of the text. and i just keep on running until the attacker strikes.
i realize my mind is sick and twisted. i can't afford a gym membership though so to the woods i go! now do you understand why i am afraid of the dark? you wouldn't BELIEVE all the villains that live in my closet after i turn off the light. it's ridiculous how they all crowd in there like that.
anyway, i ran. i hurt. yo quiero taco bell.
the end.
my legs feel like a fat man sat on them.
and why is it that every time i exercise i always want taco bell when i'm done?
and a nap.
gawd.
but i did it! i ran! for 15 minutes! (shut up!)
by next month i will be running my full 25 again. by my birthday my ass will be smaller and my lungs will be in love with me. maybe they'll even send flowers. with a note! dear person, we are so happy to be breathing campfire-free air again. at first we resisted the heavy breathing regimen you embarked upon but now we really do enjoy the extra fresh air! we love you! sincerely, lungs
see? i have something to look forward to. until then, i will just enjoy the suck-fest and keep on truckin'. there's this hill at the end of my run, my goal is to be able to run up that snotty bitch by my birthday. sort of like a happy birthday hooray! although, the plan is to be in savannah drinking lots and lots of greenish beer that day. but if i do it before i leave i can still count it as a present from myself.
i was only kind of scared while running. the path is in the woods. it's gorgeous and mostly people free. i will take pictures next time i go out there. i have to say... there's this weird little sign on this bridge i ran by. it definitely made my eyes bug out a millimeter or five. then i started to get a little freaked out. looking around me thinking that every squirrel noise was a mass murderer who wanted to rape and stash me in the field somewhere. every bird noise was a crazed man about to jump in front of my path. after a while i came across a mommy dressed in pink with a baby carriage. then i saw a short little old asian lady. and a really old guy with radio headphones that could pass for ear muffs. i felt a little safer after that.
moments later, my running alarm went off and scared the ever livin' out of me. and i reverted back to figuring out how to text 911 to roomie without looking. and "locate my body with the GPS from my phone". that was a little harder. going through the motions of trying to hide my phone in my underwear so my nonexistent attacker wouldn't know i had my phone went sort of like this. (only mentally... i never tried it) my running jacket is reversible so there are zippers on both sides of the pockets. (see, this story is exactly why people like me should run on treadmills) so i was thinking if someone came upon me, i could nonchalantly unzip my left pockets, reach over to the right pocket, unzip it and retrieve the cellular phone. text my stealth message to roomie. slip the phone down my pants into the underwear. (this would only work if the attacker was not planning on rape. if he was, i'd be fucked... i guess literally and figuratively.. anyway...) then i could keep on running. hopefully roomie would understand the importance of the text. and i just keep on running until the attacker strikes.
i realize my mind is sick and twisted. i can't afford a gym membership though so to the woods i go! now do you understand why i am afraid of the dark? you wouldn't BELIEVE all the villains that live in my closet after i turn off the light. it's ridiculous how they all crowd in there like that.
anyway, i ran. i hurt. yo quiero taco bell.
the end.
are we there yet?
you guys.... 28 days. that's it. i have to hang on to my slippery rope for 28 more days. i really am a kid on a road trip this month. all i can think about is how everyday i am one step closer to planetary realignment. not that i believe in that crap, but ya know... you have to blame it on something. so i'll be the one asking aloud... "are we there yet?" for 28 more days. gosh... DAYS! it's just such a happy word! happy, happy, happy.
as it turns out, my sister is right. i have never wanted to say those words before in my life but it's true! and hooray! 2009 is peaking around the corner at me and saying, "hello! wait until you see the surprise on this side of midnight!"
so far, i have quit smoking. which is an amazing feeling. although the ass expansion project has begun so that leads us to another accomplishment to be... running again. i was running 2.5 almost 3 miles this summer before i moved to my mom's. then i moved to knoxville and exercise somehow moved down on my top 10 things to do. i'll let you know how it all turns out tomorrow. hopefully my clutzometer is in low gear. i would hate to have to get all dressed up in running gear, drive to the running park, fall on my running face, and end up having to go running home.... for a brownie and a sob fest. that would defeat the purpose of mission: ass dwindle. so we'll do our best.. me and my grace.
i have also been published. i've known about it for a while but i didn't want to jinx it. now that it is official, i can't even explain the happy feelings that are radiating off of my person. the website launches in january and i am their resident restaurant reviewer. my portion of the site is called "Dining with Kallay" i didn't pick the name. if i had done it, i'm sure it would have been something more along the lines of "mmm...butter!" or "more condiments please!" or "where did those 10 pounds come from?" but that's just me. if you want to check it out... www.divaguide.net is the website. i am on the front page for now but my articles will be in the dining section.
and so my countdown has begun. the ball is dropping in the times square of my life. i will apologize in advance for being the loud one. the happiest one. the (probably) drunkest one... on new year's eve. i'm going to celebrate the end of this year and the beginning of the next like a dog with a bone. just let me finish. my tail will wag, my eyes will light up, my tongue might even hang out. many will wonder about the excess in celebration but they won't know how much i deserve it. they won't know how badly i have been broken this year. i understand it was all for the greater good of myself. to make me stronger. to make me humble and ask for help. that's all fine and dandy but the fact of the matter is... this year was smelly brown poop on my new pink shoe and i'm ready to scrape it off and start anew.
as it turns out, my sister is right. i have never wanted to say those words before in my life but it's true! and hooray! 2009 is peaking around the corner at me and saying, "hello! wait until you see the surprise on this side of midnight!"
so far, i have quit smoking. which is an amazing feeling. although the ass expansion project has begun so that leads us to another accomplishment to be... running again. i was running 2.5 almost 3 miles this summer before i moved to my mom's. then i moved to knoxville and exercise somehow moved down on my top 10 things to do. i'll let you know how it all turns out tomorrow. hopefully my clutzometer is in low gear. i would hate to have to get all dressed up in running gear, drive to the running park, fall on my running face, and end up having to go running home.... for a brownie and a sob fest. that would defeat the purpose of mission: ass dwindle. so we'll do our best.. me and my grace.
i have also been published. i've known about it for a while but i didn't want to jinx it. now that it is official, i can't even explain the happy feelings that are radiating off of my person. the website launches in january and i am their resident restaurant reviewer. my portion of the site is called "Dining with Kallay" i didn't pick the name. if i had done it, i'm sure it would have been something more along the lines of "mmm...butter!" or "more condiments please!" or "where did those 10 pounds come from?" but that's just me. if you want to check it out... www.divaguide.net is the website. i am on the front page for now but my articles will be in the dining section.
and so my countdown has begun. the ball is dropping in the times square of my life. i will apologize in advance for being the loud one. the happiest one. the (probably) drunkest one... on new year's eve. i'm going to celebrate the end of this year and the beginning of the next like a dog with a bone. just let me finish. my tail will wag, my eyes will light up, my tongue might even hang out. many will wonder about the excess in celebration but they won't know how much i deserve it. they won't know how badly i have been broken this year. i understand it was all for the greater good of myself. to make me stronger. to make me humble and ask for help. that's all fine and dandy but the fact of the matter is... this year was smelly brown poop on my new pink shoe and i'm ready to scrape it off and start anew.
Monday, December 1, 2008
what are you wearing?
my self control is on sabbatical until further notice. it left a note somewhere, but i can't find it. somewhere between the heartbreak and frustration, but i don't have time to look for it.
so how do i know, you ask? well on a normal (whatever that is) day, my emotions are in check. my face shows nothing other than a (sometimes fake) smile, and customers/friends would never know that life has skipped the tracks and is crashing into a fiery inferno. lately though... i believe that i am wearing my frustration. my face is no longer a concrete wall, it is now a cinematic adventure of my current mood. not sure who turned on the reel but i just don't have the energy to conceal my thoughts or feelings.
case in point... new girl. she makes me sigh. not the relaxed outpouring of breath that releases your shoulders from your ears... no, it's the "is it 3 o clock yet?" sigh. the "get out of my fucking way." sigh. the "you suck at life." sigh. apparently i am not the only one that is frustrated but i am not the one in control, so the only thing i can do is glue my mouth shut and work. this is getting increasingly difficult.
due to self control's apparent vacation, my tongue seems to be having a hay day with the snark. i can't help the bitey ridiculous comments. i'm itching for a pink slip. i can't even lie to a customer about a drink. my face is 100% transparent. a young guy came up to the counter and asked me about a specific drink and if i liked it. my long pause and eyes flickering downward gave him the automatic response of "ok, you hate it!" i didn't even say a word! my billboard face gave me away. what a trader! i mean... why would my self control leave me during the holidays? great timing nimrod!
i've also been wearing a lot of drinks lately. i think self control took what was left of my grace with it. i am tripping, bruising, dropping stuff, missing the target, wearing drinks, and stuttering. these are all things that happen on a consistent basis, but just not usually quite to the extent where i wonder if i should even be walking much less driving a vehicle. i had the nickname "Grace" when i was little because my clutzy ways battled that of a newborn deer. now, a full grown adult, my bike crashing days are over, but the clutzdom continues. i was carrying dishes out of the back room the other day and when i stack them i usually put a cup on top with the knives and forks in it. it saves a trip. so i'm leaving the backroom, i tripped on air and about poked my eye out with the handle end of a fork. upon reaching the counter i opened the door onto my shin, bent down to put the plates in the cabinet and knocked my head on the counter. so within one minute, i not only practically blinded and bruised myself but i also gave myself potential brain damage. beat that bambi.
i'm sure it's the holidays. the constant stress over money, love, and life suck. it's probably a little bit of insomnia mixed with dehydration and caffeine push. not to mention uncomfortable shoes. it'll be over in 31 days. 2009 will arrive and my life will cut right and my planets will hopefully align themselves in a better sequence. the holidays will be behind me, BIRTHDAY in front of me and my self control will be back from vacation. and if not, God help me.
so what are you wearing?
so how do i know, you ask? well on a normal (whatever that is) day, my emotions are in check. my face shows nothing other than a (sometimes fake) smile, and customers/friends would never know that life has skipped the tracks and is crashing into a fiery inferno. lately though... i believe that i am wearing my frustration. my face is no longer a concrete wall, it is now a cinematic adventure of my current mood. not sure who turned on the reel but i just don't have the energy to conceal my thoughts or feelings.
case in point... new girl. she makes me sigh. not the relaxed outpouring of breath that releases your shoulders from your ears... no, it's the "is it 3 o clock yet?" sigh. the "get out of my fucking way." sigh. the "you suck at life." sigh. apparently i am not the only one that is frustrated but i am not the one in control, so the only thing i can do is glue my mouth shut and work. this is getting increasingly difficult.
due to self control's apparent vacation, my tongue seems to be having a hay day with the snark. i can't help the bitey ridiculous comments. i'm itching for a pink slip. i can't even lie to a customer about a drink. my face is 100% transparent. a young guy came up to the counter and asked me about a specific drink and if i liked it. my long pause and eyes flickering downward gave him the automatic response of "ok, you hate it!" i didn't even say a word! my billboard face gave me away. what a trader! i mean... why would my self control leave me during the holidays? great timing nimrod!
i've also been wearing a lot of drinks lately. i think self control took what was left of my grace with it. i am tripping, bruising, dropping stuff, missing the target, wearing drinks, and stuttering. these are all things that happen on a consistent basis, but just not usually quite to the extent where i wonder if i should even be walking much less driving a vehicle. i had the nickname "Grace" when i was little because my clutzy ways battled that of a newborn deer. now, a full grown adult, my bike crashing days are over, but the clutzdom continues. i was carrying dishes out of the back room the other day and when i stack them i usually put a cup on top with the knives and forks in it. it saves a trip. so i'm leaving the backroom, i tripped on air and about poked my eye out with the handle end of a fork. upon reaching the counter i opened the door onto my shin, bent down to put the plates in the cabinet and knocked my head on the counter. so within one minute, i not only practically blinded and bruised myself but i also gave myself potential brain damage. beat that bambi.
i'm sure it's the holidays. the constant stress over money, love, and life suck. it's probably a little bit of insomnia mixed with dehydration and caffeine push. not to mention uncomfortable shoes. it'll be over in 31 days. 2009 will arrive and my life will cut right and my planets will hopefully align themselves in a better sequence. the holidays will be behind me, BIRTHDAY in front of me and my self control will be back from vacation. and if not, God help me.
so what are you wearing?
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