Tuesday, December 9, 2008

oh bite me, money!

if i ever wanted to start smoking again, it would be today. today, today. i'm one of those annoying people that thinks too much when they have either too much time on their hands or too many issues to deal with. i'm a thinker by nature, thanks Gawd. i'm also pretty damn good at problem solving though once i get the solution i am looking for. not great at this in the man department but ya know, this post isn't about men. it's about my kitchen.

kitchen wha!?


the cooking place.

the food storage area.

the shoebox of white and tan previously mint green and cream.

myyyyy kitchen.

we recently painted the kitchen to resemble more of a 2000s look, rather than a late 70s, what the hell where they thinking, look. the cupboards are now shiny white rather than minty green and the walls are a nice calm tan color transformed from the scary dirty creamy white color. the counter top is still freakishly green and now has white and tan polka dots but we'll tackle that project soon. my problem is not with how the kitchen looks. because it's actually coming along quite nicely. my problem is that when i walk into the kitchen i can feel my maturity drop a few points.

when i get my kitchen stuff from home this will change but for now the under carriage looks kind of like this. big plastic bowl with no lid. tupperware thrown about, lids are also optional. two ginormous saute pans... lids? what lids? our cookie sheet (that btw, we store in our oven) serves as a lid for our pans sans lids. and then we have one nice pot with a lid we use for grey's night also known as kraft macaroni and cheese night. which brings me to our cupboards.

oh lord, if my grandmother ever saw this... our cupboards resemble that of a frat boy's room combined with old mother hubbard's cupboard. why you ask? oh... let me share the disaster. we have:

ramen noodles
kraft macaroni and cheese SPIRALS (because what epi of GA is complete without it!?)
chef boy ardee (no, i don't know how to spell his name or beefaroni because the stuff makes me gag... roomie loves it)
microwave poppable corn
cans of campbell's soup
and a small colony of canned goods featuring spiced apples and white beans that neither of us will eat

and tea. lots of fucking tea. apple tea, orange tea, aveda tea, peppermint tea, just a lot of damned tea. we're 21 and 90 all at the same time.

did i mention our envy inducing amount of crystal light?

let's move to our icebox.

and yes it's an icebox. i know this because i'm taller than it is and our freezer could double as a glove box from a car had it been installed in my mazda rather than our icebox.

so... our icebox...

drawer... who the hell knows... no one goes in there... it's probably still stocked with halloween candy and some old ass chicken slices from 50 grocery store trips ago.

bottom shelf... two pitchers of crystal light, beer, 1/4 c. of milk, and a gallery of other refreshments not suitable for late 20 somethings.

middle shelf... inedible leftovers.

top shelf... meet our village of condiments! it's expanded into the door even! we have 17 varieties of hot sauces and ketchups, sour cream, mayo(s)... the roomie likes kraft, i enjoy bringing out the best!, mustard(s)... basically the condiment aisle threw up in our icebox.

we always have coffee, we always have creamer... we'll dig through a change jar for those essentials.

but i am slowly coming to this very sad and very scary revelation that while the rest of our economy is riding along on the recession... our kitchen is quickly becoming the great depression part deux.

finding something to eat is not my favorite when i come home from work and the best i can come up with is either ramen or kraft. with the last package of individual frozen corn. mmm, mmm, good.

if this isn't poor, i don't know what is. my cellphone is off. so if you're trying to get a hold of me... i'm not ignoring you. it's just that i only have $0.68 in my bank account after rent. i have ramen in my cupboard. i have a roomie to whom i owe lots of $$. i have an assload of bills. and a big "fuck you" of a paycheck.

so yeah, i want a cigarette and then i want 19 more.


iTeresa said...

and now im jobless.....ciggies here I fucking come

The Unhappy Waitress said...

Love this post.

My kitchen is disgraceful.
I own one frying pan. One. No lid.

And a shitload of cake pans (ties into the whole planning on going to pastry school thing)

And since I work in a restaurant I never have food in the house 'cause I always eat there. It's gross.

But I'm trying one piece at a time (with help from a million bed bath and beyone coupons) to build my kitchen up to what it deserves and that my mother would approve.

Anywho love your blog!

It's All Good said...

I want a cigarette too after reading this...=)