Thursday, November 13, 2008

the war of door (s)

so i realize i am being repetitive here, but i had to share. something ridiculous is happening and i'd like it to stop, please and thank you!

so last night, all excited that i could semi-breathe and talk like a woman, i decided to forgo my new nightly ritual of sleeping vertical on the couch and lay down for the first time in 5 days. this was a bad idea in and of itself but it was only worsened when 2 am rolled around. i had just fallen asleep after a fit of coughing and hacking and sleeping slanted on the bed because of hercules when i heard..

ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DiNg dOnG DiNg dONG DINGDONG WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE!!!!????

the dinging and donging continue. i know who it is. and i know why they're doing it. but damn it so help me if i have to get out of this bed i'm going to hurt someone with my eye daggers. bella is losing her mind. teresa is losing her mind. i start coughing again and i am now awake and i don't wanna BE!!!!

so hercules runs down the stairs doing his doggie laugh, i am shortly behind, not doing my doggie laugh. in fact, i'm not even doing my human laugh. i open the door for the three amigos and in they saunter... giggling like 5th grade girls. hello, it's WEDNESDAY! and you're 30-something. why are you drunk holding SONIC bags, giggling and ringing the doorbell incessantly? why? it's so mean. i want to punch you. all of you! in the nuts even!

one of the amigos disappears and moments later the door to their apartment opens and they all scream with pure delight. i mean, they screamed kind of like teresa and i scream after we defeat the locking yourself out process, but we're girls! and that's normal! they're boys... is that normal? of this i am unsure, but as they filed into their apartment one by one like bottles on an assembly line they all received the eye daggers. shortly before this teresa screamed down the stairs something so loud it was inaudible and then the door was slammed and i wondered if i had also just been locked out of my home. they weren't scared. they thought it was funny. getting locked out and causing sleep interruption for the girls upstairs. yes! grand plan morons!

one of us is sick. one of us can't fall asleep. and both of us have an alarm for 5:30 waiting to pounce. so hide a key already. i tuck the boys into their beers and SONIC food and walk up the stairs praying for an open door and for a little peace and quiet for the rest of the night (morning). it is clear that laying down would make me even more miserable so back to the couch i went. pile on the pillows, flip on the humidifier, take some anti-awake cough medicine and fall asleep around 3 am, not so blissfully. the alarm goes off and instead of just pushing the shut up button a million times, i apparently decided to skip that step and just turn it all the way off. so this morning my alarm took on the voice of my roommate saying "kallay did you know it's 6:45?!"

clearly not, as i was unsure at that point what my name was or why i was on the couch. 5 seconds later it all came rushing back and i was traveling to the kitchen for a date with the coffee maker. i was late but it made my coffee anyway. :) nice coffee machine no? i drove to work half in a daze from the meds that were still working since i had not taken them until 2:30 am and i was up at some 6:45 hour that no one should have invented. opened the cafe with ease and all of a sudden i am sweating bullets. i just broke a fever. i'm coughing up my left lung, blowing my right nostril, and can feel another fever coming on when my GM comes over and asks me if i'm ok. when i answer her in my newly refurbished robotic male voice she tells me i need to go home and go to the doctor. she thinks i have bronchitis. apparently it's been going around the store. lovely. just what i always wanted. why can't millionairism ever go around? i'd like to catch that!

so here i sit, waiting to go meet with dr. i'm going to pump you full of expensive drugs at 3:45 pm. pissed that i'm even here because perhaps if slammy, dingy and dongy hadn't messed with my REM cycles last night i wouldn't be here fighting off a fever. cheez-its.

oh and there we go again. another slam. i think it's high time operation revenge kicks in. teresa, are you reading this? it's time. time i tell you!!!

5 comments:

iTeresa said...

Its on like Donkey Kong, teehee, glad the health dept gave me all those condoms.....hehehehehehehe, stupid boys, don't they know how truly bitchy we are when woken from happy sleep? Oh and the fact that a week of missed work and you are just now finding out "bronchitis" is going around the store, Borders has now been added to my list, and will be boycotted by ME if I get bronchitis!

kallay said...

yea neato huh?

woken from sleep... and not offered coffee. that's just stoopid. they did offer me a beer though. as if.

iTeresa said...

Beer is not acceptable at 2am, crazy bella, tentative hercules, sick kallay, and me ready to blow their cars up, xanax would have been a better peace offering.......

kallay said...

there is truth in your words.

iTeresa said...

Yep I know there is.....