Sunday, November 9, 2008

why are you in such a hurry?

you know, i hate this question. i hate this question more than "what do you weigh?". i hate this question more than "why don't you want to be a chef?". i hate this question more than i hate the word panties and i hate all of those things. they disgust me. but this question.... this question takes the proverbial damn cake.

here's why...

if you're single, you will relate. if you're not single, you were once asked this question and will be able to think back to the time when you were asked this question and will remember that YOU HATED IT TOO!!!!

i am single. not desperate, not ugly, not jaded (okay maybe a little), and i'm kind of a catch. (or so say my friends) so just because i date a lot of guys does not necessarily mean that i am in a hurry. it just means that i don't want to waste my time on someone i can barely stand an hour with much less an entire lifetime. this isn't to say that i haven't dated some really nice guys, because i have. i've dated some guys that would be real catches, just not for me. some of my guy friends were previous datees and have become some of my really great friends. so i don't always date assholes, i just tend to marry and commit to the assholes.

on the flip side of this though, why NOT be in a hurry? if your very best friend is waiting for you at the airport, do you not drive a little faster? if you're starving and dinner is finally done, your plate of food goes from full to empty at an astonishing rate. and if your favorite show is coming on but you're trying to finish cleaning... that windex is a flyin' sweetie. so why should i be moving at the pace of a turtle to find THAT person???

that person who "gets" me. that person who makes me laugh and treats me like a human being. that person who knows that i hate beans and always ask for extra condiments. that person who knows i like my coffee strong and my knees weak. why is it so wrong for me to want to stop wasting my time with guys who don't care about anything beyond sleeping with me or wanting ME to like them? isn't that supposed to be a good thing? i mean i'm kind of damned if i do and damned if i don't.

i read an article that says you should treat looking for a partner like a part time job spending at least 15 hours per week searching online and otherwise for *the* guy. even *I* think that's excessive. i do agree with the part of the article that basically says, if you lock yourself out of the world, don't expect mr. right to accidentally fall in your lap or come magically knocking on your door. the real world just doesn't work that way. i don't think that spending 15 hours a week on searching for love is exactly mentally healthy but i get what they're saying. i think i fall somewhere in the middle of all of that and that's plenty ok with me because unless someone is going to pay me for the 15 hours of working to find mr. right... eff that shiz.

i just had to say it though. stop asking me this question... for the love of all things chocolate. i'm not in a hurry. ok? i am just sick and tired of sharing my life with myself. we're good! me and myself know everything there is to know about me and myself. we would just like to share it with someone else now. we're tired of talking in third person and sharing our stories with a cat. we're tired of cuddling with a really really hairy dog. (even if he is totally cute.) and we are definitely tired of the casual sex. yup. i said it. i sure did. no reason to lie. i'm almost 27 years old and i am TIRED of casual sex. because casual is not far in the dictionary from complicated and you know what? it's kind of boring. there's no talking. there's no real connection. there's no 3-5 date build up. it's just "hi! you're hot! wanna...?" yep. boring.

let's play this game your way and say that i am in a hurry though and you really need to know the answer or your hair will fall out and your teeth will turn green... God forbid. i would be in a hurry because i have heard couples say that they wish they would have met their significant other sooner. i have watched too many romantic comedies and the seed is planted that the older you get, the less available childless men there are out there. (not that i mind dating guys with children... if they behave... i've had some... instances... a barnacle and a beast are ringing a bell... another blog... sorry i digress) i would be in a hurry because i love that warm fuzzy feeling of arguing with someone and coming to a compromise. and because i've met enough guys to know that i haven't met him yet.

HIM... the guy i know absolutely nothing about. i don't know what he looks like. i don't know what he smells like, what his hobbies are, or how he likes his eggs. i don't know where he lives, if he's close to his family, or what his favorite color is. but i know that i want to meet him. i'm not crazy for wanting to meet the man of my dreams. i know this because somewhere out there... the man of my dreams is pining for a girl like me. except maybe not for a girl LIKE me, but just me. like my sister says, it might be someone i've already met. she's also the reason that the guys i tend to date are absolutely nothing alike. when people asked her (when she was single) what she looked for in a guy she said she didn't know because she hadn't met him yet. and i've totally stolen that line of logical thinking. i'm getting a little pickier though, or at least getting better at weeding out what i don't want in a life partner.

all that said, i do have a great roommate who lets me vent and spew craziness. i have best friends who help me laugh and giggle until my sides hurt. i have a supportive family who listens and sometimes gives great advice. i can't complain. and i'm not. i'm just tired of this stupid question. because it is stupid. if i was late for work and you asked me this question it would be just as annoying.

just thought i'd clear that up. thanks for playing!


Kerry said... my feet they smell like a turkey sandwich---minus the sex ;)

No doubt about're a catch...and if I had a penis...and wasn't married...well I think I would be gay but not because of you :)

kallay said...

LOL!!! never a dull moment with you! :)