i wanna quit.

smoking.

Bet you thought I was going to say my job.

Anyway, I want to quit smoking. It's expensive, for one thing. It's unhealthy. It's gross. It smells. And it takes up space in evening bags!!!

But how? I was reading Dr. Oz's thing about it on Oprah.com. Pretty interesting. He says to set a quit date two weeks to one month from now to quit. Then I'm supposed to write a list of why I want to quit and why I want to smoke. Apparently this helps the smart part of your brain start to take control. I'm supposed to make another list (I love lists so this part might be fun) of things I can do to replace smoking. He also suggests starting to exercise again since most young women's greatest fear is gaining weight after they quit.

Um.. after losing 50 lbs. this past year I would say that he hit that nail right on the head with me! It terrifies me. I only have 30 more pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight and I don't want to fuck that all up by quitting smoking. Which is worse? Being overweight or trying to kill yourself 20-30 times a day? Both are unhealthy.

I digress... Dr. Oz also says that setting yourself up like this *before* you quit helps you to become more successful on your quit date because you've already made a plan. Well Dr. Oz... that's all well and good but have you ever taken a lego from a baby? That shit can get ugly... I don't care how well you warn the baby, there's going to be a war.

So what to do... well he says to build a support system. Okay... my roommate smokes so that's going to make it harder. Plus she's a good friend so we go out together and do pretty much everything together so that increases my chances of staying a smoker. My jealousy will win and I'll be heading to the Circle K for some mild menthols before my support system could ever catch up with me.

And what about stress? Apparently smoking increases that too. Fantastic news!! And my teeth will be whiter, my lung function will improve and my skin will be healthier too! Hooray!

That all sounds great but nicotine is a drug. And let's be real... addiction is not an easy thing to beat. If I save money on cigarettes but spend the money on patches and prescriptions (that I refuse to take) and gum and yadda yadda this, that, and the other thing... how would I be saving money exactly? And to get over this particular addiction I know I would be chewing gum like a teenager in math class and have patches on every available inch of skin... except for that one.

I guess I'll start start with this list business. I have to set a date though. My birthday is a month and a half away so that could work, except DO says alcohol and coffee can increase your cravings if you're typically a person who likes to smoke when you drink. Well listen Mr. I am not giving up coffee AND cigarettes,that my typical breakfast... so what else ya got? Tea with lemon is sweet and all but it's not going to help me deal with my horrendous day. Sorry! There I go getting off track again. Anyway, my birthday is St. Patty's Day weekend and I am seeing a lot of green beer and shots in my future so is this really a good day to quit smoking? I feel like I would be setting myself up for failure. So March 14th is out. There's always Valentine's Day, which happens to be my favorite holiday, but that's 2 weeks from now! Is that possible?

I realize I'm making excuses but I'm trying to be realistic here. On the other hand, I could save the $25-30 a week I spend on cigarettes from Feb. 14th until my birthday and then buy myself something cool. $30 times 4 weeks is $120. I'd have to figure out what I could buy for that. Maybe a kate spade or a coach purse or something. It would have to be something motivating enough to make me not want to spend the $30 on cigarettes.

So, Feburary 14th it is. Happy Valentine's Day to me! When I find something to spend my motivational money on I'll let you know.

Until then... I need to ponder and figure out why I love my smokey treats like my cat loves tape.

Suggestions are welcome. Criticism is not. And while we're at it, either are congrats because I'm smoking while I type this so I haven't quit yet. Shake my hand when I have a new coach purse hanging from my arm on my birthday.