Sunday, January 27, 2008

Stop Smoking Lists....

List 1

First of all, let me start off by saying that I never used to love smoking, I did it to relieve the stress of getting divorced. Then I quit for reasons that will be unknown to most. Then I only smoked when I drank. AND then.... I started working at the bakery and I couldn't get a break. But I realized they always got breaks by smoking... so there it began. Then I started smoking at home. Then I started smoking in my car... which I've always said I would never do. Ever. And then I started craving it. Soon I started enjoying it. Then I moved to South Carolina and my roommate smoked. And if you've ever lived with someone else who smokes you know that when they smoke... you smoke. So I started smoking even more. Then I started smoking right before I went to sleep to calm down and get sleepy. Which led to waking up with an ashtray next to my head and me smoking as soon as my cellphone started playing Latin Lady on full blast. That cigarette is my favorite of the whole day. It wakes me up and tells my body... "Guess what? It's time to get ready and face what is sure to be another learning day." And I don't want to start waking up in the middle of night to smoke because next to smoking, sleeping is another of my favorite bad habits and I see myself heading down that road. So I'm done. But here's my first list anyway.... Dr. Oz said it's important so here you go DO.

Why I Love My Smokey Treats

by Kallay C.

1. I love waking up to my first smokey treat of the day. It's a jolt of energy for me. I have to move to get my cigarettes and my lighter and light it up and lay back and my eyes have to be open. It's as relaxing as a rainy Sunday afternoon.

2. I love smoking in the car on long road trips. It keeps me awake and occupies me. The window is open a crack and the fresh air smacks against my face and the cigarette keeps me concentrated instead of going off into day dream land, a place I often travel to while I drive. I have a feeling I might be spending a lot of gas money on this quitting adventure. I love to drive and I might need to do that now to relieve some stress. Even if the speed limit on the island is anywhere between 25-45 mph.

3. It relieves stress. When I'm having a really bad day at work or someone pisses me off or I'm frustrated about money or WHATEVER... it calms me down. Helps me think.

4. Smoking helps me stay sober when I drink because when I drink I get thirsty and if the only drink I have near by is alcohol.... well you see the dilemma. When I smoke and drink it slows me down. I have to stop drinking when I smoke because it's a little hard to do both at the same time.

5. It's just plain fun.

6. Coffee and cigarettes go hand in hand for me. They're my breakfast. On my way to work I try to get at least two in on the way in the car. If I'm not going to work though I sit and drink coffee and smoke for a couple of hours to wake up. It's breakfast with a twist.

7. Speaking of food... it's an appetite suppressant and after I've lost all this weight I don't plan on gaining any of it back. Smoking helps me stay skinny unfortunately. It's going to be hard to find an oral alternative. Gum is soon to be my new best friend. Probably the big obnoxious bubblicious grape flavored kind too. Blowing bubbles has got to try and be as satisfying as blowing smoke.

8. I like smoking before bed because it makes me sleepy and helps me calm down before bed.

9. I like how my lips look when I exhale.

10. I like to write and smoke at the same time. It clears my head and helps me focus on whatever it is I happen to be writing. Poetry, blogs, whatever.

11. It's a social thing. You go outside and bitch with the other smokers that it's freezing cold outside OR that you're dying of heat and you wish you could hang out inside with all the other pink lungs but you *need* nicotine. Plus, if you're single (and I'm not anymore) it's a good way to meet guys. They ask for a cigarette or a lighter. Or they offer to light your cigarette... anyway... it's social. Still haven't figured out how to do smoke O's and I don't want to die trying either. But it sure is a good way to meet people. You can meet new business contacts, new friends, and all the while do something is generally anti-social. I mean, you have to leave who ever you're being social with to go outside and be anti-social but still be social at the same time. Weird.

12. It's a way to get breaks at work.

13. It keeps my hands busy when I'm on idle.

14. When I have a cold it helps me not cough as much.

15. I love having a cigarette after I've just eaten a big meal. There is nothing that calms your tummy like a long pull off a fresh cigarette.

16. I like smoking after I run. Not sure why. I just do. It feels good.

17. I've noticed also that I am a lot less emotional now that I am a smoker. I used to cry a lot more than I do now. I haven't cried in I don't know how long. I know it's been months. And I've had plenty to cry about. Finding out my grandma may have breast cancer at the same time one of my good friendships started to deteriorate.. good time to cry. Smoked instead. Work is stressful because of bad employees, rude people, too much to do with not enough time to get it done in, not getting paid enough, etc. Another good time to cry and get it all out... smoked instead. Fell in love, let him go... great time to cry. Nope... smoked a LOT instead. He came back... good time to cry! Nope. Smoked. Miss my family, listen to holidays without them, hear my nephew crying because he misses me... cry Kallay... no.. I smoke. It's sad really, I'm feeling like I need to cry to get it all out but I just can't. I'm emotionless while smoking. I haven't cried in so long I almost feel like it would be weak to cry now. Pretty sad that I have become so anti-sobbing. But smoking does that, he helps me not be sad enough to cry, or at least supresses the urge.

I'm sure there's more... but the bottom line is that I like to smoke.

I just do.

List 2

Why I Want to Be a Quitter

1. Smoker's cough is not cute.

2. Neither are wrinkles.

3. I will smell better and so will my house and my car.

4. I'm obssessive about my teeth being white. Now it won't take so much damn work and I'll have a healthier mouth in general. And when I kiss my honey he won't have to taste Marlboro Mild Menthols.

5. I won't have to stand outside in the freezing cold and or sweltering heat to smoke.

6. I will be able to spend more time with my nephew instead of going and hiding from him to go smoke. That sucked. I don't want him to ever get addicted to this crap and have to post myspace blogs about quitting.

7. I don't want to die of cancer or emphysema or any other horrible slow death.

8. It's SO damn expensive!!!!! I could totally use the extra $100 a month.

9. Cigarettes take up room in cute little purses that could a camera or something else.

10. Packing cigarettes makes my hands hurt.

11. I have dry skin and smoking is not helping my complexion.

12. I don't like having something in my life that controls me. I like to be in control.

13. It's dirty... ashes everywhere. Ashtrays with butts... ugh. Yuck.

14. I'm clumsy and I often burn myself lighting and or accidentally dropping my cigarette... esp. when I'm drinking.

15. It's bad for my animals and their air.

16. It's bad for the environment. The other day I was sitting at work and watching my smoke and it went in the air and I just figured it just went away and mixed in with the regular air. No... I watched it curl up and then a few seconds later curl around the building. Then an old couple walked by and I felt guilty for accidentally exhaling on them. They were walking behind me so I didn't know they were coming. I felt bad that my bad habit could be hurting them.

17. Running is harder now. That sucks. So is climbing stairs. I don't get horribly out of breath but I'm sure it's coming and that doesn't sound exciting to me.

18. It's just plain unhealthy. I'm sure my brain is not loving this habit.

19. I won't have to leave my friends to go smoke.

20. I won't accidentally light myself on fire and/or burn my house down.

21. I want my emotions to come back.

22. I want to lose weight without compromising my health at the same time. Lose weight and be truly healthy.

23. I want to smell and taste normally again. I love to cook so these are pretty important.

24. I want to be able to pet my animals without them having to risk getting burned.

25. I don't want to have to tell another doctor that I am a smoker or that I smoke a pack a day and see that condescending look ever again. Now if they ask I can say no, I quit and see the glimmer in his/her eye.

26. If I ever have the chance to get pregnant, I don't want my fertility to be at risk.

27. I don't want my kids, if I ever have any, to smoke because I do.

There are plenty more, but this is good enough. I'll read this and remember the rest. I just want to be a non smoker. I want to be a quitter.

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